


The man of my dreams - will you ever be mine?

by mazarin01



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Feelings lots of them, Isak Valtersen Loves Even Bech Næsheim, Love at First Sight, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-13 00:15:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12971505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazarin01/pseuds/mazarin01
Summary: Isak visits his mum at the psych ward and after seeing Even there, he instantly falls in love. This is the man of his dreams. Will he ever be his?





	1. Chapter 1 - How it all started

**Author's Note:**

> My first story which isn't finished, but I'm writing on it as we speak. English is not my mother language, so bare with me.  
> Fell in love with SKAM after I started watching season 3 last year and since I love writing and miss SKAM, there was no question. I had to write about my fav couple, Isak and Even. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

 "Fuck you, Jakob." Isak tossed a sneaker at Jakob. He knew it was stupid to hit stuff on his soon to be ex-boyfriend, but all that had to be said had already been said and he was fed up by his behavior.

"You're tossing a shoe at me? Seriously, are you twelve?" Jakob yelled back, shaking his head.

"Well, I tried to reason with you with words, but you don't seem to understand shit, so..."

"But you gotta..."

"Nope. I'm fed up and I want you out of my apartment by the end of the day." Isak put his shoes on and grabbed his jacket and scarf. "I will be over at Jonas and if your things are not gone by 6 PM, I'm tossing them out of the window."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me!" Isak slammed the door and ran down the stairs.

Fuck this shit, I'm so done with relationships. Fuck love, fuck everything. I'm staying single forever!

 

.......

The walls in the ward were white and everything looked so sterile. Isak had visited his mum several times since she got admitted six months ago, but it was only now he noticed all the ugly paintings on the walls.

"And last night I woke up by someone walking past my room and I'm sure there was someone from the government trying to gather intel."

Isak had zoned out a long time ago and his eyes were fixed on a painting above his mum's head, it was a landscape, but the sky was green and the ocean was yellow. It didn't make sense, just like his mum's ramblings.

On the other side of the living room, he spotted a guy and he couldn't be much older than himself. His hair was blond and messy, it looked like he just had got up from the bed. Isak kept staring at him, wondering why he was admitted to a psych ward. Suddenly he got up and collected his belongings and Isak abruptly looked away, afraid he would catch him stare.

As the guy was about to pass Isak and his mum, he lost control of the big book he was holding and a loose piece of paper landed under the table where they sat. Isak bent down and picked it up, seeing it was beautiful, although very dark drawing of a lonely boy in a dark room.

"Here." Isak handed him the drawing and smiled at him.

"Thanks." The guy's voice was barely audible.

Their eyes met and Isak instantly thought he'd never seen anyone with such ocean blue eyes before.

"Really nice drawing. They should've put that one the wall instead of this thing."

Isak pointed at the painting at the wall. The boy only shrugged and mumbled something Isak couldn't understand. Once again the drawing slipt out of his hands and landed under the table again. Their hands touched as Isak handed him the drawing the second time. Isak flinched and suddenly his heart beat a little faster.

Coming home Isak dropped down on his bed and all he could think of was that guy from the ward. He didn't understand why, but he just couldn't get him out of his head. Those blue eyes, even though they harbored a lot of darkness, was the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen and even though it sounded a bit harsh, he was almost glad they didn't sparkle because that would've been the death of him.

Isak usually visited his mum every other week, but he couldn't wait that long to maybe see that guy again, so he surprised his mum with a visit seven days later.

"Hi, mum." Isak almost felt guilty for coming, knowing he wasn't there for her, but for him.

"Hi, Isak."

"How are you today?" he asked, roaming the room with his eyes, looking for him.

"I'm restless. You see that woman over there? That's someone from the government. She is interviewing that other guy about something and now I think she will come to see me later. Can you tell Karin that I don't want to speak with her or any other people from the government?"

"Mum, that woman is a visitor, just like me. She's not from the government," Isak sighed, both by his mum's answer and the fact that the guy was nowhere to be seen.

"Visiting? That's just a cover-up. You're so naive, Isak. You got to..."

And then Isak zoned out again because he knew that his mum was going to give him a long speech about how he needed to protect himself from the big, bad guys. It wasn't the first time and surely not the last either.

Suddenly he heard a voice, it was deep and warm and it sent jolts through his spine. It came from the hall and Isak abruptly turned around--there he was again. His hair was just as fluffy as last time and his eyes were still blue as the ocean. _I think I'm just gonna sit by the window and draw some._ His mouth moved slowly. Pictures of himself drowning in his eyes, while kissing those perfect lips and pulling his hair, pulling, pulling, pulling, flashed in front of his eyes. Isak instantly felt ashamed for thinking about it, he was in a psych ward after all, but he could not get the thoughts out of his head, no matter how inappropriate it felt.

Isak stared at the guy as he sat down and opened his sketchbook and started to draw. He kept staring while his mum talked and talked and talked, and he let her ramble on only to respond with yes and mhm once in a while. He knew his mum didn't need more than some validation now and then when she was in this state.

They sat like that for 45 minutes, until a therapist came to pick her up for a session. Even though his mum probably had ranted about bullshit the entire time, he hadn't been paying attention so he had no clue, he was nothing but happy when he left the ward and a guilty feeling came creeping as he turned the key on the car. Nothing of what his mum had ranted about had probably been coherent, but all he could think about was that perfect guy sitting in the corner. The fact that he also had some kind of mental illness didn't matter at all, he was perfect in all his splendor.

Isak was back at the ward a week later, but the guy was nowhere to be seen. He stayed for the longest time, listening to his mums' ranting, but he never showed. When he didn't show up the next week either, Isak casually asked Karin, one of the staff members about him. She could only tell him he wasn't there anymore and Isak's heart sunk the very second she said it.

How could someone he'd seen only twice have such a huge impact on him? How could he feel so empty and heartbroken by a guy he didn't know at all? Isak poured his heart out to his best friends Jonas and Magnus. Jonas didn't seem to understand his infatuation with this boy. Magnus was more understanding and supportive. Eskil, one of his co-workers at Kaffebrenneriet, was on the other hand totally onboard. He was a hopeless romantic, referred to himself as the love-guru, and could vision himself falling in love with someone just by their presence.


	2. Chapter 2 - We meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak meets Even again and it has be faith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is up. woot! I hope you'll like it. :)

**  
**\-------  
 **Best bud Jonas  
10.05**

 

 

Have you swiped right on anyone yet?

No…

Come on. There must be at least one out there worth swiping right for. You gotta get that guy out of your system.

Sigh. I know… I’m gonna swipe right on one of the next ten guys I see there. Promise!

That’s my boy! Go for it.

 

**\-------**

 

 

Isak sat in the back office at the coffee shop with a banana in his left hand and his phone in his right. For the past ten minutes, he’d been staring at the Tinder app thinking about what Jonas had said. He had now swiped left nine times and the next one he needed to swipe right on. As a picture revealed, Isak took a close look. The guy wasn’t ugly, in fact, he looked rather nice. But… there was always a but. His eyes couldn’t compare to the ocean blue eyes and his hair was not fluffy, nor did it looked soft at all.

Jonas was often right, so he swiped right anyway. This was probably a good thing. He would probably never see that guy from the ward again and if he did, nothing would probably happen. He was most likely straight as a ruler and taken.

It took only a few minutes before Tinder let him know the boy, his name was Theo, matched with him and immediately a message came.

_Hi :) You’re cute._

 

**\-------**

**Best bud Jonas  
14.23**

 

I swiped right and now this guy Theo says hi. Theo?? Is that short for Theodore?

 

\-------

Lunch was over and Isak ignored the message, thinking he could deal with that later. As he walked out of the back office and into the coffee shop again, he saw someone sitting by the window with a sketchbook drawing, dressed in lots of layers, t-shirt, shirt, and a hoodie--the hood covering most of the hair. The guy looked up for a second, their eyes met and Isak froze. It was now two months since he’d seen the guy, but he hadn’t forgotten those eyes, those ocean blue eyes. Isak stared a bit too long, the guy looked back with an afraid have I seen you before look and abruptly saw another way.

“Eskild?” Isak whispered.  
“What? Why are you whispering?” Eskild asked with a little too loud voice.  
“Ssshhh.” Isak put his index finger over his lips. “It’s him! Did you serve him?”  
“Who?”  
“The guy sitting over there drawing.”  
“Yes, I served him. Who is that?”  
“HIM you know. The man of my dreams.”  
“Ooooh, him!” Eskild stared at the guy and Isak punched him, trying to make him stop.  
“Ouuuw”

Isak grabbed his phone and opened the tinder app and wrote Theo a message:

_Sorry, swiped right by mistake. Good luck with the hunt._

The rest of his shift, Isak wasn’t able to concentrate on work. He spilled juice on the floor, broke a plate, gave a customer the wrong type of coffee, yeah he was a total mess and it was all the guy’s fault.

“Oh Isak, you got it bad,” Eskild laughed and there was no use denying it.  
“I know,” Isak sighed, feeling all warm inside, head spinning, probably looking like a fool in love.

_Why don’t you leave, I can’t focus on work? No, please don’t leave. I wanna watch you draw all day long._

The guy left a little before 6 PM and Isak walked over to the window to see which way he walking, seeing him cross the street and wait by the tram stop.

_Maybe you live on the east side too?_

Leaving work that evening, all Isak did was smiling. He just couldn’t stop smiling. It rained cats and dogs when he left work and he was smiling. A group of teens walked on the tram as he was trying to get off and he was smiling. The local supermarket was out of his fav beer and he had to settle for the second best. He was smiling. He lost his phone right outside his apartment, leaving a small crack in the glass and he was still smiling. Nothing could wipe that smile off his face tonight.

Magnus and Jonas came over that evening for some beer and FIFA and Isak was blasting music, singing out loud, already with a beer open.

 

**Now playing: Friday, I’m in Love - the Cure**

“Oooh. What happened?” Jonas asked hearing what song he was playing. “Are you meeting up with that guy from Tinder? What did you write to him?”  
“Ehh.. no.” Isak shook his head, not realizing how much he was grinning.  
“No, what happened?”  
“I met the man of my dreams today,” Isak sighed happily.  
“The man of what?” Magnus looked at him.  
“The man of my dreams.” Isak didn’t care about how cheesy it sounded, he truly felt he was the man of his dreams.  
“Who?” Jonas asked.  
“That guy from the ward.”  
“No way!” Magnus shrieked. “No. Fucking. Way.”  
“Fucking. Way!”  
“Did you talk to him?”  
“God, no. I made Eskild serve him.”  
“Why?” Jonas asked.  
“I turned into this hot mess as soon as I saw him,” Isak sighed. “I would’ve embarrassed myself even more than I did the rest of the day if I’d served him.”  
“So you didn’t talk to him and you didn’t ask for his name or his number and you don’t know if he’s coming back,” Jonas said like he was listing up facts from a book.  
“Right,” Isak admitted.  
“So basically nothing has changed.”

Jonas usually was right. Nothing had changed. He still knew nothing about this guy, not his name, where he lived, what he was doing for a living. Nothing. His heart sunk that very moment.

“Thanks for killing my mood, Jonas!”  
“I’m just being realistic, Isak.”  
“I think this happened for a reason,” Magnus chipped in. “Of all the coffee shops in Oslo, he chose to visit the one you works at. It’s fate!”  
“What the fuck, Mags? You’ve been with Vilde for a little too long,” Jonas groaned.  
“Thank you, Mags. At least one of my friends support me. Maybe I’ll upgrade you to my bestest friend.” Isak glared at Jonas, sticking his tongue out like a five-year-old kid.  
“High-five.” Magnus raised his hand and their hands clasped together.  
“Whatever,” Jonas said rolling his eyes.

Jonas was usually right, but there’s no rule without exception, right?

 

…….

Jonas was wrong for once and Isak kept thinking it had to be fate like Magnus had said. The following Sunday the guy was back, the day after that and the day after that too and Isak made Eskild serve him every single time, afraid he would fuck up, say something stupid, make a fool of himself, scare him away from the coffee shop.

On the 9th day of him coming to the coffee shop, yes he kept counting like the lovestruck fool he was, Eskild was busy dealing with an unsatisfied customer and Isak had no other option than to serve him.

“Hi,” he smiled nervously. “What can I get you?” _Me for instance?_  
“Black coffee and a cinnamon bun, please.”

The blue eyes bore into his and Isak froze for a few seconds, getting all hot and flustered, it was like he’d put a spell on him.

“Coming right up! Isak handed him the cinnamon bun. “I’ll come by with the coffee in a minute.”

The guy sat down at table by the window and Isak sighed happily that he was facing the counter, so he could keep an eye on his face. His hair was still hidden by the grey hood he was wearing and all Isak wanted to do was to gently remove it, letting himself run his hand through the fluffy hair he knew was there. He wouldn’t mind kiss those perfect luscious lips either.

“Here’s your coffee,” Isak placed the coffee next to the sketchbook. “Nice drawing.” The guy looked at him with a yeah right, this is awful and you’re just saying it to be polite kinda look. “It really is.”  
“Thanks.”

Isak noticed the drawing wasn’t as dark as the one he saw when he was in the psych ward and his heart was happy it seemed like he was doing better.

 

…….

The guy kept coming to the coffee shop and it sent jolts through his spine every time he saw him walking through the door. Isak had grown a little more confident since the first time he served him and Eskild and Isak who always worked together had made a deal that let Isak serve him every time.

Isak kept track of when he came and soon realized he came approximately at the same time every day. How long he stayed would vary, but sometimes he stayed for more than three hours and Isak liked those days best.

“Black coffee and a cinnamon bun? Or do you want the sunshine bun with the coffee today?” Isak smiled brightly, trying to keep his cool. The guy always ordered black coffee but alternated on the pastry.  
“Coffee and cinnamon bun, please.” A faint smile revealed.  
“Coming right up.”

Suddenly the guy looked embarrassed, his face was red with a hint of blush, and he was patting his pockets, one by one. Fuck, I’m so stupid, he mumbled.

“What?”  
“Fuck, I forgot my wallet,” the guy said, looking like the world was ending right there and then. “I’m so stupid.”  
“Then this is on the house.” Isak smiled.  
“No, you can’t.”  
“Take this as a gift for being such a good customer. In fact, you are our fav costumer.” _You are my fav customer or just my fav. _“Always buying something, always polite, says please and thank you and you’re never loud.”__

 

Did he just say all that stuff? It was now Isak’s time to blush. His face turned crimson red within seconds and when the guy smiled at him making the corner of his eyes crinkle, Isak’s face instantly became two shades darker and his legs could barely hold him on his feet.

_You are going to be the death of me if you smile at me again._

“I’ll pay you next time I come, I promise. OK?”  
“You don’t have to.”  
“I want to.”  
“OK.”

The guy took his stuff and Isak excused himself to Eskild, who had seen everything standing behind him cleaning out a tray. Isak went into the toilet and sat down on the toilet seat, trying to gain control of his breathing.

 

…….

It was probably all in Isak’s head, he did lay awake at night thinking of endless of scenarios where he and the guy ended up together, but the next time the guy came to the coffee shop he was wearing a pride-button on his jeans jacket and Isak noticed it immediately, making his heart skip a beat. Was this his way of communicating with him? Did he want to signalize he was gay?

“I brought money this time. I can pay for last time.”  
“Thank you, but you didn’t have to.”  
“Cinnamon bun today?”  
“No, I want the sunshine bun.”  
“Coming right up.”

The guy sat down at the same table as the previous days and Eskild had suggested that they put a ‘reservation’ sign on the table, making it his table. Isak liked the idea but was too nervous to actually do it. His confidence was getting higher, but not that high. Maybe later?

Isak usually had game and he was the one who had invited his ex-boyfriend Jakob on their first date and it was him who had initiated the few hook-ups that didn’t lead to anything before Jakob too. Looking back, none of those interactions seem to matter at all, they seemed like insignificant encounters compared to this and that’s why he was such a hot mess, incapable of doing anything under the spell of the mysterious guy. This guy was important and he couldn’t afford to fuck up.

“Eskild?”  
“Yes, baby bean?”  
“Please don’t baby bean me, Eskild.”  
“But you are my baby bean.”  
“No, I’m not.”  
“Yes, you are.” Eskild ruffled Isak’s hair. “I am the love guru and you are my baby bean.”  
“Whatever!”

Isak rolled his eyes, forgetting what he wanted to say to him and went on with cleaning the coffee machine.

“What did you want to tell me?” Eskild asked.  
“Oh yes!” Isak turned around. “Did you see his button?”  
“Button? No, what button?”  
“He had a pride button on his jacket!”  
“Oh. My. God.” Eskild shrieked, clapping his hands together. “Are you serious?”  
“Yes,” Isak sighed, smiling blissfully. “A freaking pride button. Does he want to tell me something? Hey, I’m gay and available or something?”  
“Well, the love guru thinks ...” Eskild paused, looking at Isak. “Yes, yes, yes. This has to mean something. The ball is in your court now! You got to make the next move!”

 

**\-------  
The Squad  
20:15**

The guy wore a freaking pride button today. I nearly fainted.

Mags: Oh. My. God. You gotta make a move! This is the universe telling you to act.

Jonas: I’m not so sure about the universe part, but yes, you do gotta make a move!

What should I do? I don’t want to fuck this up

Mags: Ask him out. Interact with him. Talk about his drawings. Ask him to join you to an art gallery or something

Jonas: art gallery? it’s Isak we’re talking about. hahaha.

Mags: do you have a better idea?

You’re not very helpful Jonas, but you’re right. Art gallery?! Eh…

Thanks, Mags. I appreciate your effort.

Jonas: just ask if you should do something together. Say you’re going to the movies and ask if he wants to join you.

I dunno…

 

\----

Everyone told him the ball was in his court and they were probably right, the ball was in his court. But how would he kick the ball back to the guy?


	3. CREEP IN LOVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter, woho. There is some progress in this love story. It's SLOWLY getting there. I hope you're patient ;) 
> 
> Thank you for all who reads and leave comments. It's very rewarding and you make my heart happy. Alt er LOVE!

It was only four minutes to Isak had to close the coffee shop, he was alone because Eskild had to leave an hour early and the guy was still sitting in the corner listening to music, drawing. Isak slowly made his way up to him, both giddy up and nervous by the fact that he needed to talk to him. The guy was deep into his own thoughts and didn’t notice him or that he was alone in the coffee shop.

“Hey.” Isak gently touched his shoulder, trying not to scare him. Suddenly he looked up, pulling out one earplug.

“Hey?”

“Uhm… we’re closing now.”

“Oh shit, fuck! Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll leave.”

_You apologize a lot for not having done anything wrong._

The guy abruptly got up, collected his belongings and put on his jacket, looking apologetic at Isak. He turned around and walked towards the door. As he opened it, he saw that it was raining cats and dogs outside.

“Fuck,” he mumbled.

Isak followed right behind him, ready to close the door when he saw the downpour.

“Fuck,” he mumbled again, this time a little louder, while looking at his book filled with drawings. They would get ruined if he braced himself out in the rain. “I’m so fucking stupid!”

_Don’t be so hard on yourself. The rain came unexpected._

Isak felt sorry for the guy and suddenly he remembered what Magnus’ girlfriend Vilde recently had told him. _It only takes 20 seconds of extreme courage._ Maybe this was his window to play the ball into the guy's court? Or at least show him he is interested?

“If you wait here like twenty minutes, I can drive you home.”

“What?”

“I can drive you home. I got a car just around the corner.”

“No need to.”

“Don’t be stupid, I’ll take you home. Look at the weather.”

“I’m always stupid.”

“Somehow I doubt that. But it would be rather stupid to turn down my offer. Your drawings will get ruined.”

“I dunno.” The hesitation in his face was easy to spot.

“Come!”

Without thinking, Isak grabbed his hand and pulled him inside, letting the door close itself. For a moment it felt like time stood still. Feeling the guys skin touch his made him see stars. Never had they been so close and Isak had trouble breathing normally. He had to close his eyes for a second, trying to compose himself and he held on to his hand a little too long.

“Ehh. Sorry.”

He suddenly let go, worried he’d been invading his private space. A faint smile revealed in the guys face and Isak only saw it because he was standing right beside him and was looking at him. Had he blinked, he would’ve missed it.

“Ok” The guy didn’t move an inch, while Isak walked back behind the counter to get rid of the leftovers.

“Do you want this? I’ll toss it if you don’t.” Isak pointed a cinnamon bun.

“No thanks.”

“Sure?”

“I’m fine. Not hungry.”

Fifteen minutes later Isak was ready to leave. He gave the guy a plastic bag he could put this book in and asked him to stay put outside the coffee shop while he brought the car. A few minutes later he was back, leaned over and opened the door.

“Hop in.”

Water was dripping from his own hair and down his face.

“Thank you,” he said barely audible. The guy’s leg shook uncontrollably as he put on the seat belt.

“So, where are you living?” Isak smiled looking at him, seeing he was nervous.

“Why do to ask?”

“I’m driving you home and it would be nice to know where you live.” Isak chuckled.

“Oh! Of course! Grünerløkka. Korsgata 4.” The guy scratched his forehead and mumbling to himself how dumb he was.

“Seriously? Hah. We’re practically neighbours. I live at Fredensborg.”

“Mhm, that’s close yes.”

An awkward silence arose.

“I’m Isak by the way.”

“Even here.” _Even, Even, Even. What a beautiful name._

Isak had to keep his eyes on the road in front of him to keep his cool. Having the guy he’d been obsessing over 24/7 the last months next to him and now knowing his name was Even and knowing he soon would know exactly where he lived and maybe catch his last name on a doorbell, was nearly too much to handle. He knew exactly what he was going to do as soon as he got home from visiting his mum--go into Sherlock Holmes mode and find out everything there was to find on the world wide web about Even. From the corner of his eye, he saw Even was looking at him, he might even be staring.

“So what brings you to this side of town? There is a Kaffebrenneriet at Schous plass you know.”

“I like it here, less familiar people.”

A new, awkward silence was created, but suddenly Isak’s phone rang.

“Eh, sorry, I just have to take this one.”

“OK”

“Hi, Jonas!”

“Yo! Yo!  What’s up? On your way to your mum?”

“Not yet. I’m driving Even home first.”

“Even, who?” _The man of my dreams._

“You know, that gorgeous, silent dude that keeps showing up at work.”

“Oh, him! Oh la la. Why? How? Spill the bea-”

“Oh shit!” Isak interrupted. “Eh.. you’re on the speaker.”

“Ohhh.”

“Can I call you later?”

“Sure, but can you stop by Elias on your way from Asker. He got something that’s mine.”

“Sure.”

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why did he had to be so dumb?!_

If it hadn’t been for the radio playing, you would be able to hear a needle drop on the floor. A tension lingered in the air and it seemed like neither of them knew what to say. Isak had his eyes pinned to the car in front of them and his knuckles were white from holding too hard on the steering wheel. His face was flustered and probably crimson red by now. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Good lord,” he finally said. “I must come off as a total creep. Sorry. I’m just going to drive you home and drop you off. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“You didn’t have to drive me home. You were going in the opposite direction.”

Isak was surprised Even didn’t comment on what he had said, but the fact that he was driving him home when he was going to Asker.

“Well, I really wanted to.” He paused. “Ehh… creeping again. Sorry. I think I’ll just shut my mouth until you get home. Thank god we’re soon there.”

_Get your act together moron!_

Isak still had his eyes fixated on the road, but from the corner of his eye he could see Even and he swore there was a faint smile on his face.

As if Isak hadn’t done enough damage already, he snuck out of the car right after Even closed the door to the building where he lived. With light steps he walked over to the door to check out the names on the doorbell and it took him exactly four seconds to spot his name, it was the only first name starting with an E.

_E. Bech Næsheim._

Back in the car, he saw a piece of paper on the floor of the car. When picking it up, he saw it was one of Even’s drawings. He had drawn him behind the counter at the coffee shop. Isak stared at the drawing for the longest time, admiring his skills and wonder why he had drawn him and not Eskild. His head spinned like a carousel out of control.

What should he do with the painting? Ring Even’s doorbell and tell him he’d forgotten the drawing in the car? Maybe Even would invite him up if he did? Isak ended up leaving Korsgata with the drawing in the passenger seat and when he came home that evening, he hung the drawing up on the wall at the end his bed, that way he could see it when he lay in bed.

Rest of the evening he spent online, trying to gather as much information as possible about Even. He didn’t find much though. His facebook account was private and he only had twenty four pictures on his Instagram, two of them was of himself and the rest was just random stuff. It was over five months since his last update. The yellow pages revealed that he had a cellphone and Isak felt like a creep when he added it to his contact list on his phone. Isak wanted to send him a friends request on Facebook so badly, but had to restrain himself, not to make him look like an actual creep.

**……**

Even didn’t show up at the coffee shop the next week and Isak was so sure he had blown it, scared him away when driving him home and he was so angry with himself for being so blunt and stupid.

“I blew it, Eskild,” Isak complained as they were closing the coffee shop that friday.

“Oh, Isak!” Eskild had seen Isak getting more and more depressed as the days went by without Even showing up. “Maybe there is a logical reason for this? Maybe he’s on vacation? Maybe he caught the flu?”

“No, I’m sure this is my fault. He’s probably sitting at another coffee shop, enjoying black coffee and a sunshine bun, drawing with music on his ear.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I fucked up. I’m so dumb.”

“Give it some more time. If he’s not back by next friday, I’m taking you out. You can meet my squad and we’ll got to London to drink. I know many in my squad that will find you adorable.”

“Thanks, but no thanks Eskild. I don’t want anyone in your squad. I want Even.”

“Well, if Even isn’t turning up and you never see him again, what are you then going to do? Stay single forever?”

“Probably, yes.”

Coming home that evening, he turned down an offer to go out with Jonas and Magnus. He lied, saying he was tired after a week of working, but the truth was he was depressed and not in the mood to get drunk, dance and laugh.

As he lay in bed he stared at the drawing for the longest time, feeling guilty for having kept it. Even was probably missing it and maybe he’d figured out he’d lost it in the car and was now wondering why Isak hadn’t returned it.

Maybe I should write him on facebook?

And that’s what Isak eventually did, 2AM in the morning.

\-------

**Even**

**02.04**

Hi :)

Isak here, the guy from Kaffebrenneriet. Sorry for being a creep again, but I haven’t seen you at the coffee shop this week and I started to wonder if I scared you driving you home? I dunno... Maybe I’m overthinking this. Maybe it hasn’t anything to do with me. It surely isn’t any of my business anyway. Maybe I’m just being stupid and self absorbed… 

Anyway, one of your drawings fell out of your sketch book as you left the car and I found it on the floor. I contemplated ringing your doorbell, but I kept it instead. Loved the drawing. Guilt got me and now I want to return it to you, it is yours after all. I’ll bring it to work on sunday and you can come pick it up whenever you want.   

PS. You don’t have to accept my friends request, I’m just being a creep again.

PPS. I’m playing Creep by Radiohead this very moment, just to emphasize the fact that I probably am a creep. lol

\-------

Isak’s heart beat so fast, the palm of his hands were sweaty and he reread the message several times before pressing send. He could’ve reread the message a hundred more times, it wouldn’t matter, 2AM in the morning he wouldn’t be able to come up with anything better anyway. Exhausted Isak spread out on the bed, staring at the ceiling, wonder if Even ever would respond to his message. Most likely he would not and he would definitely not accept his friends request.

He hadn’t listened to the Radiohead song, he wasn’t even sure if he’d ever heard it before, maybe once or twice on the radio long time ago? Radiohead was not his kind of music, rap and hip hop was more his thing, and when he looked it up, he saw that it was released two years before was born. Curious he found the song on Spotify and hit play.

 **Now playing - Creep by Radiohead**  

_When you were here before_

_Couldn't look you in the eye_

_You're just like an angel_

_Your skin makes me cry_

_You float like a feather_

_In a beautiful world_

 

_I wish I was special_

_You're so fuckin' special_

 

_But I'm a creep_

_I'm a weirdo_

_What the hell am I doing here?_

_I don't belong here_

 

_I don't care if it hurts_

_I want to have control_

_I want a perfect body_

_I want a perfect soul_

_I want you to notice_

_When I'm not around_

_You're so fuckin' special_

_I wish I was special_

 

As he listened to the song, his heart started to beat faster. Why the hell hadn’t he listened to the song before writing he was listening to it? He hit himself in the head repeatedly and swore out loud several times.

Even was an angel. He was fucking special. And he wanted a perfect body and a perfect soul. He wanted Even. And Isak was a creep and a weirdo. It was all true, but he wasn’t ready for Even to maybe think that he was bearing his soul out to him like that.

_Fuck my life. Fuck my love life._

Isak woke up seven hours later, fully dressed on the bed with the phone in his hand. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw that the phone had died some time after he had fallen asleep. He abruptly got up to charge his phone so he could put it on. Opening his facebook account he saw that Even had read his message, but not replied yet. The friendship request was not dealt with.

_Fuck my life._

He hadn’t expected him to answer or befriend him, but his heart still sunk by the fact that he had blown it. Even probably thought he was even a bigger creep than before.

Isak changed to some sweatpants, walked down to the grocerystore and bought chips, pizza and a large bottle with fanta. Moody he dropped down on the bed, indulging in chips, fanta and the five last episodes of Narcos. He didn’t get out of bed before Magnus came by and forced him out for some fresh air.

“How is it going with ‘case Even’,”Magnus asked.

“I blew it, Mags.” Isak said as they sat down on a bench with a kebab from Bislett Kebab.

“How?”

“I wrote him a facebook message in the middle of the night,” he started and told all about the message and the friends request.

“Maybe he just needs some time to figure out what to write you?” Magnus suggested after Isak had poured his heart out. “It hasn’t been a day yet.”

“Do you believe that or are you just saying that to comfort me?”

“I do believe that! You seem to have forgotten that you first saw him at a psych ward. He probably has some mental illness and we know nothing about what he has to deal with.”

And that was when it dawned on Isak. He had forgotten about where he’d seen him for the first time and Magnus was right. He knew nothing about Even’s struggles. Maybe he had trust issues? Maybe he had issues with believing in himself? Maybe he didn’t connect with people easily?

In that very moment, with dressing in the corner of his mouth, he decided to give Even the benefit of the doubts and some time before he bury the ‘case Even’ for good.

……

The sun was shining and the day surely justified being called sunday. It had been raining a lot lately, so the sun was more than welcome and maybe it could brighten up Isak a bit, being very tired from a night with not much sleep.

It wasn’t the sun that would brighten up his day, it was Even. As soon as Isak entered the coffee shop and had greeted Eskild, things happened on his phone. First he saw that Even had accepted his friends request and it made him scream out so loud, Eskild got scared. Then he saw that Even had written him back, but now he wasn’t screaming any more. He just started at the messages behind the counter, not able to say anything at all.

\-------

**Even**

**09.40**

Hi :)

You didn’t scare me. I’ve just been busy with other things.

You can keep the drawing if you like.

PS. You’re not a creep :)

PPS. I like that Radiohead song and I know that it’s one of their biggest hits, but to be honest, it’s not like their best song. Not even top five. You should listen to the song ‘the Bends’.

\-------

Isak sat on the floor behind the counter with his earplug in, listening to the song Even had suggested, trying to dissect the song, like it was some sort of clue to solve a riddle. Eskild had been kind enough to prep the coffee shop for its opening, so Isak could take care of ‘case Even’ from the floor behind the counter. In the middle of Isak’s third listening, Eskild had to kick him in the leg, forcing him to get up, a group of early people had decided to grace them with a visit.

The sun was shining and Isak’s face was one gigantic smile and when Eskild thought Isak’s smile couldn’t get any wider, it did the moment Even came into the coffee shop. But as soon as Even looked at Isak, Isak turned into this nervous bundle and his face flushed.

“Hi.” Isak had trouble looking at Even.

“Halla.” _Oh please don’t halla at me like that, your voice is slowly killing me._

“One black coffee is coming up. What kind of pastry do you want today?”

“A sunshine bun.”

“Fits the weather perfectly.” _Fits the weather perfectly?! Isak gave himself an imaginary facepalm._

“It sure does.”

Suddenly Even saw that his drawing is put up on the wall and he blushed.    

“You put my drawing up on the wall?”

“Yeah. I hope it’s OK?” Isak’s red face instantly got two shades darker. “I just wanted to place it somewhere until you would come get it. But now that you wrote that I could keep it, I think it will stay on the wall. You OK with it?”

“Uhg. It’s not even that good.”

“Oh come on! It’s fantastic. You need to sign it so when you get famous, I can say I have a signed original.”

“You talk a lot of nonsense,” Even shook his head, ready to grab his coffee and bun.

 _Are you two finished talking so I can buy a coffee to go_?

“Oh sorry, I’m so sorry.” Even turned around, looking apologetic at the man behind him. “I’ll go and sit down now.” Even excused himself and Isak silently cursed the guy for ruining the moment.  

The coffee shop was unusually busy that sunday and Isak didn’t have as much time to indulge in Even as he wanted to. People were coming in from left and right, lots of them were tourists and Isak wondered why they came to Oslo in late october when the weather usually sucked. Even left the coffee shop two hours later with a _see ya._ The words lingered in the air for the rest of the work day and when Isak couldn’t figure out what he exactly meant by _see ya_ Eskild had to explain it to him. _He probably meant that he wants to see you again._  

It took him extra time to get home that evening, because Isak had the Radiohead song on loop and didn’t notice he had missed his stop until he’d reached Torshov, 7 stops later. Coming home, he threw a pizza in the oven and talked to Jonas on the phone until the pizza was burned and it had started to smell bad in the tiny kitchen. _Fuck, what do I eat now?_ He ended up with a pack of noodles from Mr. Lee and the rest of the onion chips from yesterday.

After eating he started at the facebook convo with Even and all he wanted to do was to write him something, but he couldn’t come up with something to say and afraid of writing something stupid, he logged off and went on watching something mindless on Netflix to try to get his focus on something else. It was impossible.

\-------

**Even**

**23.56**

I’m happy you were busy. I was afraid you were enjoying black coffee and pastry at another coffee shop…

You are our fav customer you know. My colleague Eskild agrees.

Of course not. You are my fav coffee shop :)

Good. Now I can go to sleep not worrying ;)

:)

\-------

……

With two days off, Isak spent some days with Jonas and Magnus and it was hard not to talk about Even all the time. They tried their best to help him come up with a way to hook up with Even, not only because they were his best friends, but also because they were tired of him rambling about Even whenever they saw each other.

“Why don’t you invite him to see Nas? Isn’t he coming this weekend? It would be perfect. Neither of us can go anyway, being flat broke and exams coming up,” Jonas suggested. “You said you wanted to badly see him.”

“Fuck, why did you have to bring that up?” Magnus groaned. “I really, really want to go see Nas. But I’m also really, really broke.” Magnus looked at Isak. “You gotta go and you should ask Even come along. And you have to periscope the whole shit, so I can watch while I study. You owe us that for putting up with ‘case Even’.

“I dunno. Does he look like someone who likes Nas? He seemed really into Radiohead,” Isak said doubtingly.

“Can’t someone like Nas _and_ Radiohead?” Jonas rolled his eyes.

“Of course!” Isak sighed. “Don’t listen to me, I don’t make sense. I know that. It’s just that Even makes me so….”

“Like a hot mess?” Jonas and Magnus said simultaneously and started to laugh.

“Yes.”

When Isak saw that Even had said _yes, I’m going_ to the event ‘Nas at Rockefeller’, he took the as a sign that the universe wanted them to go together. Nervously, he wrote a message to Even and when he immediately wrote back, Isak nearly fainted. 

\-------

**Even**

**22.37**  

Hi :) I saw that you’re going to see Nas. I had planned to see him too, but my friends can’t go because they’re broke and got exams coming up, and I didn’t want to ao all by myself… If I got a ticket, maybe we could go together?

Halla :)

Sure. I had planned to go all by myself. Some company would be nice.

Cool.

You are braver than me.

Huh?

Because you planned to go all by yourself.

Wouldn’t you?

No.

Why not?

I would feel awkward. Standing alone with a beer in my hand. Like ‘hello, I’m here and I got no friends’.

That’s me like all the time. I guess I’ve gotten used to it….

\-------

  
  
_That’s me like all the time. I guess I’ve gotten used to it._ The words hit Isak like a knife in the heart. Thinking about Even feeling lonely, made his heart ache so bad.


	4. LIPS ON LIPS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading everyone and for kind comments. I'm sorry if this is going slow, but that's just how it is with Even. If it had been all up to Isak, they would've been all over each other now :D Be patient ;-)

Isak acted like a sixteen year old girl going on her first date, changing clothes more than five times, getting ready for the Nas concert. He couldn’t decide if it was a date or not. Eskild had labeled it a date as soon as he heard and so had Jonas and Magnus. It was no doubt he wanted it to be one, but to protect himself from getting hurt or disappointed he told himself it was just two friends going to a concert.

“Nice t-shirt.” Isak blushed when Even complimented his Illmatic t-shirt.

“You look good too,” he blurted out, seeing Even’s face flush. _OMG! What did I say?_

“Thanks, I guess.”

_This is not going very good, for not being a date. Do friends compliment each other like that while going to a concert?_

They both ordered a beer, said cheers and walked over to the stage, trying to get a good spot to stand. An awkward silence created in the noisy concert hall. Isak looked at Even and Even looked back at him.

“Nice convo.” They both laughed nervously.

As one beer went down and another was purchased, the talking got easier and soon they were discussing music like two old friends. Being under the influence of alcohol, calmed Isak down and he finally managed to say things without making a complete fool of himself.

When one of their fav songs, the Message started, they both were so excited that they high-fived each other and Isak felt like struck by lightning when their sweaty hands clasped together. Isak was grinning and so was Even, while reciting the entire song word by word. It most definitely was his fav Nas song and Isak was impressed.

“WOW! You impressed me with the lyrics that song,” Isak said as the song ended.

“What?” Even couldn’t hear him and leaned closer to Isak. “You said what?”

“You impressed me with the lyrics to that song,” he repeated, leaning so much forward his mouth touched Even’s ear.

“Thank you. I’ve heard the song about 508 times or something.” He laughed and when his eyes nearly disappeared, Isak almost lost it. _Goddamn, you’re so beautiful when you laugh. I have to make you laugh all the time._ Isak starred a bit too long. “What?”

“Eh… nothing.” Isak felt his cheeks getting red. “I’m just so impressed,” he repeated, unable to come up with something smarter.

Leaving the concert hall one hour later, Isak was so pumped up that if he’d had one or two more beers, he would’ve kissed Even on the mouth when they parted. Instead they ended up doing a stupid fist-pump.

_This was not a date._

 

\-------

**Eskild**

**01:14**

 

So…. how did the date go, baby bean?

It wasn’t a date!

Of course it was!

Do dates end with a kiss or a fist-pump?

Hopefully a kiss.

This evening ended with a fist-pump. Ergo, no date.

Nonsense. The love-guru refuse to look at this as something else than a date. Maybe he was nervous too? Maybe he wanted to kiss  you, but didn’t know if you wanted and then ended up with a corny fist-pump?

\-------

Isak knew he had to step up his game if he wasn’t going to end in an eternal friendzone with Even, so when he came to work monday morning, he made a reservation sign that he put up on the table Even always sat at when available. _This table is reserved Even :-)_  

Even came to the coffee shop late that monday and after he’d ordered his coffee, ready to sit down, he saw the sign.

“Ehh… can I sit here?” Even looked at Isak.

“Is your name Even?”

“Yeah…”

“We made that reservation for you. Since you’re always here and sit there when you draw. Like I’ve said, you’re my fav customer.” _My?!_ Isak blushed when he realised he’d said my instead of our and Even did the same.

“You are my fav barista. Always good coffee. Better than that other guy you work with.” Even smiled.

“Oh, you mean Eskild?” Isak wondered.

“Super short hair, feminine guy?”

“Yes. That’s Eskild.”

Even opened his sketchbook and tried to finish a drawing he’d started on last week.

“Where is he by the way, you always work together!”

“He had to leave a bit early today, I’m all alone here now.”

“And you think you can managed that? Operating this coffee shop all by yourself?”

“Of course, I’m a big boy.” Isak laughed. “It’s only half an hour left until we close anyway.”

“Shit, only half an hour?”

“Yep. It’s 6.30.”

“Oh, that late.” Isak looked at Even and he looked disappointed.

“It will take me about half an hour to close this place, you can stay if you want to?”

“You won’t mind?”

“I’d love the company.”

“OK.” Even smiled widely and the corner of his eyes crinkled, making Isak knees week. _You might as well shoot me now, if you smile once more, I’ll be dead anyway._

As soon as the clock hit 6PM, Isak closed the door and started to clean the tables. He looked at Even as he cleaned the tables and got rid of the leftovers, it was only a few things left. Isak didn’t rush, he wanted as much time with Even as possible.

“Do you like this song?” Isak suddenly said and started to play Radiohead’s High & Dry from his phone.

“Yes! That’s a good one! Do you like Radiohead too?”

“Yes.” _I really just started listening to them last weekend._

“What’s your fav album? I really like the Bends and OK Computer is like their massive hit, but my personal fave is Kid A I think.”

“I think the Bends are my fav.” _It’s the only album I’ve heard._

Twenty minutes later, Isak had done all that needed to be done and both of them were standing outside while Isak locked up. Both looked at each other and Isak kicked a stone, not sure what to do or say. He didn’t want to part with Even and it looked like Even didn’t wanted to part either, but none of them knew what to say. Suddenly Even’s stomach growled so loud it was impossible not to hear it.

“Hungry?” Isak chuckled, seeing a window open up.

“Yeah. Very.”  

“Wanna grab something to eat somewhere? Bislett Kebab? Or a burger somewhere? They got really good ones at Burger Joint at Aker Brygge.”

“I’m broke. Spent my last money on Nas merch and that coffee.”

“My place then? I can cook us a meal. It might not be fancy, but I think I can stop that hunger at least.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! I usually watch Netflix while I eat. Some company other than Javier Peña from Narcos would be nice.” Isak chuckled.

“I guess I’m better company than him.” _You have no idea!_

An hour later, Even sat in Isak’s tiny kitchen. It was barely room for them both at the tiny table, but Isak didn’t complain, he liked being close to Even. A large casserole with pasta, minced meat and tomato sauce was placed between them and Isak excused the boring food, nervous Even wouldn’t like his cooking.

“I’m happy with whatever,” Even smiled and scooped up a big chunk of the pasta with his fork. “It’s rarely anyone cooks for me,” he paused. “Mmm. This is really, really good. “

“Oh, it’s not that fancy,” Isak mumbled.

“Well, I liked it alot. I could do this on a regular basis.”

“Me making you dinner?”

“Yes.” Even chuckled, slightly nervous.

“Sure, why not?” Isak said casually. “Why don’t you come over every monday and I’ll cook you dinner?”

“Are you serious?” he asked, embarrassed by his offer.

“Yes, are you?”

“Yes.”

“OK. Then we have a date.” Isak blushed. “I mean, a deal.”

After dinner was devoured, they moved from the kitchen to the living room and ended up on the couch, talking and listening to music. Isak revealed his fondest old school rap songs and Even did the same. They discovered some new songs and indulged in some common favs. Isak remembered he’d seen that Rockefeller was going to put up the movie about Tupac on friday and even though it had gotten bad reviews, 50 Cent had called it trash, he wanted to see it, so he asked Even if he wanted to go.

“On friday?”

“Yeah. It’s free actually. Good for two broke souls.”

“Hmm. I’m not sure if I can go. There might be some family things I need to attend to. Can I get back to you on that?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll find out tomorrow and let you know.”

_Please, please, please say yes._

Suddenly Even’s eye started to blink, he had something on his eye, but was impossible to get rid of it.

“Let me see,” Isak suggested.

He scooted himself closer to Even, so close their legs were touching and then he put his hand on Even’s cheek, asking him to not blink. Even’s skin was soft and warm and Isak had to compose himself not to attack him with kisses. He looked at Even’s blue eye, closely and for a long time, and when he couldn’t find anything that could bug his eye, he gently blew air towards it, hoping it would help.

“Better?” He asked, looking into his eye, staring a bit too long, making Even blush.

“I think so,” he blinked a few times. “Better yes, thank you.”

“Anytime.”

It was hard to look at Even’s luscious lips without kissing them. Should he? He sat there, a bit too close to Even contemplating what to do, but eventually chickened out and scooted back to his side of the couch.

“Oh by the way, Eskild was kinda jealous of my drawing. He said he wanted one as well.”

“He did?” Even laughed.

“Yep. Eskild is the kind of guy who would be over the moon if someone drew him. Especially if it was you.”

“Why me?”

“Well…. to be frank, if Eskild hadn’t been taken, he would’ve made a pass on you. He’s always telling me how pretty you are.”

“No, he’s not.”

“He is!”

“Well, Eskild is not my kind of type. Sorry, I have to disappoint him. But I could draw him of course, but only if he doesn’t expect something great.” _Am I your type?_

“He’s not my type either,” Isak said.

“So what are your type then?” _You are, don’t you remember I blurted it out?_

“My type? Hmmm.” Isak paused, wondering if he should be honest or not. _20 seconds of extreme courage, remember?._ “Tall blonde guys, fluffy hair I can run my hand in and def. blue eyes.”  Isak paused again and took a deep breath. His heart beat so fast, it could explode any minute. “A bit like you.” _A bit? YOU! ALL of you!_

A silence occurred.

"Oh.”

Isak scooted himself closer to Even without him notice and now his knees were almost touching Even’s.

“You got a lose eyelash,” Isak said while gently brushing his thumb under his right left eye. “I don’t want it to get in your eye.”

Even took hold of Isak’s thumb, slowly leading it to his mouth and gently kissed it. He let of the thumb just as quickly as he’d kissed it. The soft kiss on his thumb was enough for Isak, he couldn’t restrain himself any longer. Slowly he lead his thumb back to Even’s mouth, gently brushing his lips, eyes pierced into Even’s, before closing his eyes and putting a soft kiss on Even’s lips. He let go of Even, opened his eyes and looked at him, trying to decipher what he was thinking.  

_Can I go on?_

“I need to pee,” Even blurted out. He abruptly got up and Isak looked at him with disappointment in his eyes.

“OK!”

Three minutes later he stood in the door opening to the living room.

“I think I need to go now.” Even looked down on his feet.

“Oh OK.”

“I just remembered I have an appointment early tomorrow.”

“OK.” _Lair, you just want to get out of here._

“Thanks for the dinner.”

“Your welcome. Anytime.”

And before Isak got to say anything else and without any _see ya,_ Even was out of the apartment.

_Fuck my life. Fuck my love life._

……

The next day went by in a haze and working was a big pain the butt. Everytime the door opened, his heart jumped, hoping it was Even, but it never was. After work ended, Isak was exhausted and to get his mind off Even, he let Eskid to persuade him into join him and his squad out for some beers at London. You need a distraction, Eskild let him know and he was right. It wasn’t the only thing Eskild was right about. His squad loved from the second they saw him. They loved him and what they called _his adorable curls_ which they ruffled until Isak blushed, feeling awkward. They complimented him, said he could get anyone at the bar just by batting his eyelashes, but Isak couldn’t care less. He didn’t want anyone at the bar and the only one he wanted to bat his eyelashes at, it seemed like didn’t want him.

_If I can’t have Even, I don’t want anyone._

“I kissed him and then he ran out the door, Eskild,” Isak nearly cried.

“Oh baby bean!” Eskild put his arm around him, while they stood by the bar ordering another beer. It was Isak’s fourth and he knew he would pay for it the next day, but he couldn’t help himself. “But he gave you a tiny kiss on your thumb. Hold on to that.”

“It’s not enough. I could see it in the eyes as he stood in the door telling me he had to leave.” Isak sighed and took a large zip of his beer. “Fuck my life Eskild.”

……

A throbbing headache greeted him the next morning and all Isak wanted to do was to call in sick, but he knew Eskild would call him out and whip his ass to work. One painkiller and a yoghurt later, he was on his way. Isak’s heart jumped when he saw a guy looking just like Even, but as he placed himself across him, he saw that it was just a feeble copy.

Every other hour Isak checked his facebook account to see if Even had deleted him as a friend and he was surprised every time he saw that he hadn't. _Maybe there is hope after all?_

“Eskild?”

“Yes, baby bean?”

“Remind me to never drink as much as yesterday when I’m working the day after.”

“My poor bean, not feeling well?” Eskild took a good grip around Isak and kissed his curls.

“It’s all your fault, making me go out.”

“You needed a distraction and a mood lifter. “

“Still. Your fault!”

“You know Nils? Rubio’s friend that came and talked?”

“Yeah?”

“He loved you, said to me thought you looked super cute and adorable. Wanted to know if you were single.”

“Ugh. What did you say to him?”

“That you’re tied up to someone else.”

“I’m not, but thank you.”

“You will be. The love guru can feel it. You just have to pass some hurdles.”

“Some hurdles? Feels like I have to climb over a fucking prison wall to get to him.”

……

Wednesday came and there were no sign of Even. He hadn’t been at the coffee shop, nor had he gotten back to Isak on the possible movie date as promised. Yet he hadn’t deleted him on facebook, so it was still hope, but Isak wasn’t very optimistic.

Naturally Isak’s heart nearly skipped a beat when he saw that Even had messaged him. He fumbled with his phone trying to open it up and it fell on the bathroom floor and made another small crack in the glass. _FML!_

\-------

**Even**

**21:21**

Sorry for leaving so abruptly on monday…

 

\------

Isak stared at the message for a long time wondering what to reply. Should he apologize or mention the kiss? Thoughts swirled around his head, making him dizzy.

\-------

**Even**

**21:24**

It’s fine. No worries. I get it.

I’ve forgotten to ask mum about friday, sorry! :( I’m gonna call her now.

Ok :)

\------

\-------

**Even**

**21:43**

 

I’m in on friday. Mum said I could skip the family thingy.

Mum approves. Haha.

Haha, indeed. I feel like I’m 14 again. Getting approval from mum to go to the movies with a friend on a friday evening.

\-------

_I’ll settle for friends even though it will be the death of me. Slowly and steady. At least it was the man of my dreams that killed me and not some random car accident._

……

Friday came and Isak was slightly nervous, there he was standing on the corner, outside Deli De Luca, waiting for Even to come. He was early, had already been waiting ten minutes and he was getting a bit cold.  The wind was strong and he wouldn’t be surprised if it started to rain. Over and over in his head, he tried to figure out what to say when Even came. Lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t see Even coming.

“Hi.” Even had to tap his shoulder a couple of times before Isak saw him and Isak flinched.

“Oh, hi.” Isak blushed.

Isak looked at Even, taking all of him in. He was layered up, a hoodie on top of his cap and a large scarf around his neck. _Are you hiding_? Still, his ocean blue eyes saw directly at him and the luscious lips moved as he spoke--it was impossible for Even to hide completely and it was impossible for Isak not to be spellbound by his beauty.

Inside the club, Isak went straight to the bar to get a beer, he needed to calm down his nerves. The beer was half gone before they even found a place to sit.

“Thirsty?” Even raised his eyebrows and smiled.

“Yeah. Long week. I’m exhausted. Really needed that beer.”

He emptied the beer and went to buy another one for him and Even.

“50 Cent said this movie was shitty. I wonder if he’s right or not,” Isak said, trying to make conversation. It felt weird sitting there beside Even, knowing how weird monday had ended.

“We’re about to find out.”

“Yeah.”

“At least we didn’t pay to see this movie, so we haven’t wasted any money.” They both laughed.

“True.”

“What’s your fav Tupac song?”

“R U Still Down? I think. You?” Isak's answer came quickly. 

“Maybe All Eyez on me.”

“That’s a good one too. Do you know that lyric by heart too?”

“No.” Even laughed and Isak couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter. A laughing Even always made his heart flutter.

“I need to pee. Be back in a bit.”

Isak got up and went for the toilet, found himself a booth. He stared at some scribbling at the wall, getting lost in his own thoughts, forgetting where he was. If he was going to function around Even, he needed to disconnect that part of the brain that made his head spin and heart beat faster everytime he laid eyes on him. _How? I don’t think I can._ Standing there at the toilet at Rockefeller, while Even waited out with a beer in his hand, he decided to just jump onboard on this plane and ride it until it crashed. Dying because of Even wasn’t the worst way to go, was it?

“Ay, what took you so long? Did you have a whole keg to unload?” Even laughed.

“Something like that, yes.” Isak laughed too. “Another beer?”

“Sure, but this one's on me.”

Even emptied his beer and bought two new for them.

“Thank you.”

“Cheers!”

“Cheers!”

Even looked Isak in the eye as they cheered and Isak couldn’t help thinking about his grandfather who always told Isak to look the person in the eye when cheering. It was polite and the right thing to do. Isak wasn’t sure if Even just was polite or if it was something else, but he welcomed the gaze and smiled.

“So, what do you think? Was 50 Cent right?”

“Ugh, yes! Not only did the actor ruin the image of the legendary 2PAC with his bad acting and ridiculous flow, but the script was so badly written and produced that I almost fell asleep.”

“I agree!”

“Sorry for dragging you out to see this shit!” Isak looked apologetic at Even.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m always having a good time when I’m with you.”

“Oh…”

“Don’t look so surprised.” Even smiled and put his arm around Isak. “Grandma gave me money on monday for taking her to the hospital and staying with her the entire day. What do you say? Let’s get late night snack. My treat!”

“Sure, I’m never saying no to free food. I think I spent the last money I got on that last beer. Oh the life choices,” Isak chuckled, feeling all tingly inside from Even’s arm around him.  

Walking out of the club, Even immediately said that he was going to pick the next movie they were going to see, teasing Isak about his poor movie choices, and Isak’s heart fluttered knowing Even already wanted to go out with him again, even though this had been a bit awkward and they only were going out as friends.

……

So Even picked the next movie and they went to see Call Me By Your Name, a romantic gay movie. Isak wasn’t a romantic movie kind of guy, but quickly learned that romantic movies was something Even really liked, so he went along with what Even picked and when the movie ended he had to confess that he liked it. As they walked out of the movie theater, Isak saw a Blade Runner 2049 movie poster and pointed at it, telling Even it was the next one they were going to see. And so it went, a few days later they saw Blade Runner 2049 and just a few days after that, after eating chicken with pesto and pasta at Isak’s place, Even said they could make the 21.15 movie if they hurried. Isak didn’t ask what movie they were going to see, he just said yes on the spot. He didn’t care what movie they would see, it was probably something romantic. As long as he could spend time with Even he was fine.

“So what do you think of this one?” Even looked at Isak as they walked out of the dark movie theater for the third time in two weeks.

“I’m not sure if I should say this out loud, someone I know might be around.” He paused for a second, looking around, then he whispered. “I loved it.” God’s own Country had been given lots of great reviews and when Isak came home that evening and read about them all, he couldn’t do anything else than agree with what they had written. “It sort of reminded me of Brokeback Mountain,” Isak said.

“You’ve seen that? I didn’t think you liked romantic movies?” Even teased, poking him in the side.

“My ex made me see it,” Isak rolled his eyes. “But I’m happy it didn’t end like that story ended. If there is going to be a love story, I want to have a happy ending.”

_I wish we were a love story with a happy ending. We’re just a story and it’s not truly going to be a happy ending, is it?_

“Your ex has a great taste,” Even proclaimed.

“In what?”

“Movies, what did you think I meant?”

“Guys?” he answered, not realising he was saying it out loud. He looked shyly at Even, feeling his face getting warm.  

“In guys too.” Even’s voice was barely audible, but Isak heard what he said.

They looked at each other and smiled awkwardly, then walked in silence for a little while. Isak thought about what Even had said for a short while, but didn’t want to dwell on it too much, it would only make him crazy. Instead he started to think about what movie they would see next time. It was his time to pick and he wanted to pick a good one.

“It’s my time to pick the next one,” Isak suddenly grinned. “I know exactly what we’re going to see!”

“What movie?”

“That’s gonna be a surprise.”

“A surprise?”

“Yep!”

“How about sunday?”

“Uhm.. I’m working.”

“Well, not all day?”

“No, but I’m busy after work.”

“Oh OK.”

“What about monday? After dinner?”

“Sounds like a good plan. Can I cook, maybe?”

“I already got something planned for us.”

“You do?”

“Yes, don’t look so surprised.” Isak pushed his elbow in Even’s side.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to. I know you can cook. Looking forward to it already.” Even smiled. “About that movie, can you give me a hint?”

“Nope. And you have to swear you won’t look it up when I give you the info on when and where.”

“Hmm. OK.”

“Sure?”

“Pinky swear!” Even put up his hand, wanting to connect his pinky with Isak’s.

_OMG, Even! Are you trying to kill me?_

“Pinky swear!”

Their pinky’s connected and Isak felt a tingling throughout his whole body. His face felt warm and the urge to kiss him welled up in him so badly. He had managed to keep his cool for the most part the last two weeks, but this was the cutest thing Even ever had done. Abruptly he leaned forward and gave Even a kiss, it was only a short peck on the lips, but it was a kiss nonetheless.

“Oh sorry! I just-” Isak’s face flushed. “Uhm, I just got caught up in the moment.”

“It’s fine,” Even smiled, briefly looking at him before resting his eyes on his shoes.

_Awkward._

“So…” Isak started. “I guess it’s time to go home. Early shift tomorrow.” he sighed.

“Yeah. I guess it’s time.”

“What’s your plan tomorrow?”

“I’m supposed to write a job application, I need to send it tomorrow. But I suck at it, so I’m not sure what to do.”

“Need any help?”

“Are you an expert?”

“Doubting my skills?” Isak raised his eyebrows. “I’m the one who got a job of the two of us, remember?”

“True.”

“I might not be an expert, but I know a thing or two. And two heads are better than one, right?”

“Also true.”

“I can come by after I’ve finished work.”

“OK. Cool!”

“So I see you tomorrow.”

“Yes. Thanks for the movie. It was really nice as always.” _Nice? It was fucking fantastic! As always._

Suddenly Even walked up to Isak, standing so close their jackets touched. He grabbed his neck and pulled him even closer, then gave him a kiss on the lips. Perplexed, Isak’s mouth flew open and his eyes widened.

“Uhm…”

Even abruptly let go of Isak, turned around and walked away. Before he was able to do anything, Even was already across the street, not able to hear Isak shout at him.

Isak wanted to talk to Even face to face, but he was out of sight and he would go mental if he had to wait until tomorrow to find out, so he texted him.

\-------

**Even**

**23:05**

What was that?

Sorry, I just got caught up in the moment too…

Oh, OK.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams.

Goodnight.

\-------

 

Coming home, Isak lay in bed wondering what this thing he had going with Even was. Even was sending him some massive mixed signals. One moment he acted like he wanted him, but as soon as he tried to make a move or ask about his intentions, Even got all weird, looked the other way or said it didn’t mean anything. This guy was a hard nut to crack and Isak wondered if he ever would get inside him. _Both metaphorically and literally._ Probably not.

He wasn’t the only one wondering about this relationship.

\-------

**The Squad**

**00.35**

Magnus: movies again with Even?

Yes

Jonas: what is your deal?

I seriously don’t know…

I kissed him again tonight.

Magnus: kissed! Why? How? What?

He did something incredible cute, I just couldn’t help myself

Jonas: And then what?

At first nothing happened. I said I was sorry and he said it was fine.

Jonas: sorry? But you weren’t were you?

No, but… I dunno. It’s complicated.

Magnus: at first? What happened next?!

We were saying goodbye and then he kissed me back. But he stopped and walked away before I got a chance to reply or do anything…

Magnus: you didn’t run after him?

No...

Jonas: you should’ve!

He was gone before I got a chance to do anything. So I texted him and asked what it was. And he said he was sorry and that he got caught up in a moment too.

Why is he like this? So on and off? It’s driving me nuts.

Jonas: Idk. It’s weird. Like make up your fucking mind. What is he so scared of?

Mags: he can be scared of many things. Don’t forget where you first met him.

You’re right.

Jonas: hmm. True. I keep forgetting. But damn…

I’ll cut him some slack. I'm helping him writing a job application tomorrow. Maybe I’ll find out more then. If he’s not MIA, like last time it got awkward....

\-------


	5. (SEXUAL) FRUSTRATION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter here, woho! I really hope you like it. I really feel bad for both Isak and Even. I wonder what Even thinks about all of this. Would've been fun to write everything from his POV. I'll probably wrap up this story soon, one chapter left or maybe two. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Isak sighed and sat down at the only empty seat he could find on the tram. It had been an exhausting day with lots of people coming by and more grumpy customers than normal. One in particular had been a real pain in the ass and it had taken Isak some strength to keep his cool. Now he was tired, his head was aching and he was hungry, had hardly eaten anything all day. He didn’t exactly look forward to help Even with his job application, not because he didn’t want to see Even, in fact he was dying to see him since he hadn’t stopped by work today, but he wanted to rest his head.

“Hi,” Even said standing in his tiny hall with a big smile on his face.

“Hey.” Isak smiled back as he took of his jacket and shoes. _Aaah. That smile._

“Thanks for coming. I suck at this. Don’t know what to write,” Even sighed.

“Lucky you having a friend who knows a thing or two.” Friend! _How much he longed to put boy in front of that word._

“I’ve started, but I’m sort of stuck. You should probably read the work ad. I’ll find it on finn.no for you.”

Even walked into the small living room and sat down by the second hand dining table. Isak walked behind him and sat down the couch, letting out a yawn.

“Oh sorry, I forgot to ask about how your day was.”

“Exhausting. So many grumpy people came by today. Good lord, I’m so tired.” Isak let out a yawn again and his stomach growled.

“Maybe we should drop this, if you’re tired? It’s not that important.”

“No, no! Of course I’ll help. A job application is important.” Isak straighten himself up. “Lemme see that ad.”

“I’ll send you the link.”

Even sent the link and Isak read the application. It was an assistant job at a small art gallery and Isak instantly imagined Even being perfect for such a job.   

“Sounds like a cool job. And you being artsy, it fits.” Isak smiled. His stomach growled again, this time so loud Even noticed.

“Oh shit, are you hungry?”

“A bit yes.”

“God, I’m so stupid. Haven’t crossed my mind that you might be hungry. Omg. I’m so dumb. You’ve been working all day and what have I done? Been sitting on my ass, doing nothing! You cook me dinner every monday _after_ being at work.”

“Hey, Even. It’s OK. No need to get so worked up. I haven’t died of hunger yet.”

Isak chuckled, but Even didn’t. He was already on the way to the kitchen looking for something he could make. Isak got up and stood in the door opening, looking at him with his head into the freezer.

“I only have a frozen pizza to offer,” he said apologetic.

“Perfect! I love pizza. Throw it in the oven and come back to the living room so we can work on that application.” Isak smiled gently towards Even. “Really, pizza is fine.”

Nearly an hour later, the pizza was devoured and the application and resume was finished, only thing left was to print it out. Even walked out in the hall, found a chair stepped on it, fetching the printer from a storage room over the door to the living room. The printer got turned on, but when Even tried to print, nothing happened.

“Isak? The printer isn’t working. I get this error message that I don’t understand, can you help? I know nothing about these things,” Even sighed.

“Sure.”

Isak got up from the couch and sat down in front of the computer. Even went to the toilet and when he got back, he leaned against the doorframe looking at Isak, admiring him. He gazed at him for the longest time, without Isak noticing. When he eventually did and asked what he was looking at, Even blushed and admitted he’d been looking at him.

“Me?” Isak asked.

“Yes. Because you’re so kind to help.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Isak mumbled looking at the screen again.

“To me it’s not nothing, it’s everything. I’m so glad I have someone that can help.” Even let out a blissful sigh. _Don’t you have anyone else to help you out?_ “I owe you one.”

“Yes!!!” Isak suddenly shouted, hearing the printer making a familiar sound. “I did it! The printer is up and running. High five!”

Even walked up to Isak and their hands clasped together.

“Aaahh.” Isak rolled his head from left to right and rubbed his right shoulder.

“Painfull?” Even wondered.

“Yeah. I got a headache in the back of my head and now my neck and shoulder hurts.”

“You want a massage? I got magic hands.”

“Yeah, maybe that would help.” Isak stared at Even’s big hand. _Magic hands? I bet they can do all sorts of things._

“Come here.” Even walked over the couch and sat down. “Place yourself in front of me.” Isak sat himself in front of Even and his back touched Even. “It’s better if you take off your sweater.”

“Oh OK.” Isak was glad Even couldn’t see his face, because it instantly got three shades darker when he asked him to undress. “Do you want me to take of the t-shirt as well?” Isak asked and then held his breath waiting for an answer.

“Do that.”

Isak took off his shirt and felt heating up sitting there in front of Even. He flinched when Even’s hand grabbed his shoulders.

“Does it hurt?” Even asked softly.

“A bit, but that’s the purpose, right?” Even’s hands felt strong and he had to concentrate real hard on not getting a boner.

“Yes.”

Even was rough, but not too rough and Isak sat there with his eyes closed, biting his tongue not to let out a moan. All he wanted to do was to turn around and throw Even on the couch, place himself on top of him and kiss him until their lips got sore. _Focus Isak, focus. Just friends remember!_

“Better?” Even asked five minutes later.

“Yes. This was really nice. Thank you.”

“Anytime.” _Anytime? Yes, please. All the time._

Isak got up on his feet and turned around, letting Even see his naked chest, hoping it would cause a reaction from him. _Something, anything. Whatever._ Even stared at his chest, a bit too long, because suddenly he blushed and got up, walking over to the dining table to get his glass of coke. Isak put his clothes on and dumped down on the couch again, half laying down.

“You look tired.”

“Yeah. Shit day at work and not enough sleep. I sometimes have trouble sleeping.” _Your kiss kept me awake for hours. Did you think about it too?_

“Me too. More than what’s good. Thoughts spinning out of control.”

“Tell me about it.” Isak sighed. “I think I should go home. Try to get decent amount of sleep tonight.”

“Probably smart.”

Isak and Even said their goodbyes and Even thanked him again for helping out. Coming home, he didn’t go to bed. Instead he jerked off to some lame porn, releasing some of the sexual tension that had built up getting that massage from Even.  

……  


The movie dates continued and one day Even wondered if they could score a year with free cinema for two or something if the ones in chief of the cinemas knew how much money the spent. The following monday Isak surprised Even with tickets to see the latest Star Wars movie. Both Jonas and Magnus wanted to see it too, but they had their first exame the day after and didn’t have time to go with them.

Even was the one to choose the next one and it wasn’t a surprise it had a hint of romance in it. Thelma, was a romantic thriller. They ended up going to the cinema two days on a row, because it was the last day it would be shown. The movie had gotten great reviews all over and it was even a movie Isak could’ve picked out to watch. What he wouldn’t have picked, at least not now, considering how things were at the moment, was a shared couch at the cinema. Isak stared at it, maybe for too long, wondering what Even was thinking.

“A couch?” Isak wondered.

“Yeah.”

“Like, isn’t that reserved for couples?” Isak chuckled, suddenly getting a bit nervous.

“I wanted the extra leg room,” Even excused himself and looked down at his feet.

_Leg room? Yeah, right. Are you trying to tell me something, Even?_

They sat down and things got a bit awkward after Isak had made remarks about the choice of seating. Isak looked over at Even and could see that he was a bit uncomfortable.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to complain. The couch is great.”

“Sure?”

“Yes. Extra space is good and there is more space between us and all the annoying people who eats bacon crisp loudly or the ones always making a sound, grabbing wine gum from that noisy paper bag.”

“True.” They both laughed.

Even joined Isak home, the clock wasn’t even 9PM when the movie ended. They turned on the Nintendo and played Mario Kart for almost three hours, before Even thought it was time to go home. It had started to rain as soon as they had gotten got home and now it was raining cats and dogs.

“Shit, look at the weather.” Isak sighed.

“Fuck. I’ll be soaking wet by the time I get home.”

“You can stay here, if you want?”

“No, it’s OK. It’s only 15 minutes out in the rain.”

“You’ll get soaking wet. You have been sneezing all evening. Sure it’s not a cold coming? Going out in this weather wouldn’t be smart.”

“True. If it’s not any trouble for you?”

“Not at all.”

“OK” Even put up a bright smile. “I guess I can take the couch.”

“Well...” Isak started, looking at his worn out second hand couch. “Will it fit you? It’s not the biggest couch.”

Isak had been meaning to buy a new, bigger couch, but he never had enough money. Everytime he managed to save up some cash, something more important had to be dealt with or he just thought something else was more important, like a Nintendo console or tickets to see Migos live. Even tried the couch and it was a bit too small.

“If I just put my feet here or just curl them up, it will work,” Even smiled.

“No, no, that won’t work. You’ll have a horrible night of sleep.” Isak shook his head.

“What do you suggest? That I sleep on the floor?”

“I got a big bed, why don’t you take the right side? There is plenty of room for us both.”

“Your bed?” Even’s eyes widened.

“Yes.” Isak couldn’t believe he actually had offered Even one side of the bed. “If that’s OK with you.” Isak tried his best to sound casual, like it didn’t matter, like it wasn’t a big deal having Even in his bed, that he didn’t care if Even said yes or no. He wasn’t sure if he succeed.

“Yeah.” A faint smile revealed. “Probably better than the couch,” Even concluded.

“Most definitely,” Isak chuckled, trying to ease up the situation.

They both undressed in silence and the tension in the bedroom was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Isak knew what his problem was, seeing Even almost naked without being able to act on it, but he wondered what Even was thinking. It was clearly he was uncomfortable, but why? Was it because he’s figured out Isak liked him and he didn’t like him what way back? Or was it because he liked  him too, but couldn’t act on it for whatever reason?

Isak didn’t realise he had been staring at the bed all frozen for too long until Even commented on it.

“You’ve been staring at that pillow for the last minute, you seem in deep thoughts.”

“Heh. Yeah. I was just thinking about something.”

“Still OK that I sleep here?” Even asked nervously.

“Yes. Yes!” _Focus Isak. Don’t make this more uncomfortable for Even than it already is._ Isak put up a smile.

“I just bought a new toothbrush. You can have it. I’ll buy a new one.” He grabbed the toothbrush laying on the dresser and handed it to Even.

“Thank you.”

Soon they were standing in their boxers in the tiny bathroom, designed for one, brushing their teeth. Isak looked at Even in the mirror, it was big and filled up most of the wall, probably made to make the room to look bigger, and he had a hard time composing himself. The lean body and soft skin was a sight for sore eyes and Isak had to concentrate not to drool.

.

Isak woke up before the alarm went off, still being really tired. It had been hard to fall asleep with Even next to him in bed and he suspected Even had felt the same. Trying to turn around, he felt something on his chest. When he finally managed to open his eyes, he saw that the duvet was layered around his waist and Even’s arm was hugging his chest. Abruptly his heart started to beat faster. He gently turned his head looking directly into Even’s face. His hair was so messy, it was nearly comic, but he slept peacefully, he looked so angelic. Even’s skin against his skin felt so good, oh so good.

He eyed the clock on the nightstand, seeing it was ten minutes until the alarm would go off and Even probably would wake up. Isak decided to make the most of those ten minutes, it would most likely be awkward soon enough, so he just lay there, took in the whole situation, played with the thought of waking up like this every morning.

Lost in his own thoughts and without thinking, he placed his hand on top of Even’s arm and started to stroke it. It felt good, really good, his smooth and warm skin against the palm of his hand. He made swirls with his fingers. It had been 75 days since he first saw Even and he had waited 75 days to lay in bed with Even like this, with his arm wrapped around him, skin touching skin. Of course things weren’t ideal, it had been better if Even had been ready for this thing called relationship, but he took what he could get these days. Suddenly he felt someone staring at him.

“Good morning.” Isak smiled, trying to act casual. The fact was that his heart was racing and everything inside him was jumping up and down like a fucking rave party.

“Hey.” Even looked at Isak’s hands making swirls on his arm that was wrapped around Isak’s chest. His face flushed.

“I was just trying to wake you up,” Isak said shyly.“

“Sorry for this.” Even abruptly pulled his arm towards his body.

“Don’t be. I haven’t slept this good in a long time.” That was a lie, he’d been awake for over an hour before he passed out, but when he finally did he slept like a baby.

“Me neither,” Even said, but Isak suspected he’d lied too, his eyes looked very tired. “Didn’t mean to occupy most of the bed. You should’ve pushed me away.” _Push you away? I would never!_

“I didn’t want to potentially wake you up. Not sure if you wake up easily or not. So I just let it be there, but now it’s time for me to get up and I thought it was better with a gentle wakeup than-” Suddenly his alarm went off and the clock made a awful noise. “See?”

Isak got up and when he was back from peeing, he saw that Even already was dressed. He told Even he was going to take a quick shower and then he could make them breakfast. Even declined, said he wasn’t hungry and that it was time for him to leave. He had some stuff to take care of. Isak was filled with disappointment. He’d set the alarm thirty minutes earlier than normal, just so they could have breakfast together and now he was leaving already.

Isak put on some music, before heading into the shower, singing out loud to the chorus.  

 

_Don't leave me high_

_Don't leave me dry_

_Don't leave me high_

_Don't leave me dry_

……

“I’m throwing a party on saturday. Wanna come?”

“I dunno.”

“Please. Bring Even if you like. You need a party and so does Even. The love-guru will fix you two up.”

“Eh…” Isak looked at Eskild. “I don’t think so.” He raised his eyebrows. “But a party with Even sounds like a good idea, getting him drunk might ease him up a bit.” Isak smiled.

“So you’ll come if Even also come. Not for me? Am I not worth more? I’m not sure I like you anymore.” Eskild put his nose in the air. “The love guru doesn’t like!”

“Ok. OK. I’ll come anyway and I love you.”

“That’s more like it. The love-guru is happy again.”

 

\-------

**Even**

**13:05**

 

Hi :) Eskild, my coworker, invited us for a party at his place on saturday. Wanna go? I’ve met his squad, they’re cool. Lemme know what you think.

\-------

When Isak came home that evening, Even still hadn’t read the message and Isak wondered if he’d gone MIA on him again. Was he embarrassed about how they’d woken up? Probably. He didn’t want to act desperate so he decided to wait with calling until the next day.

Out of boredom, he found a mediocre clip on youporn and jerked off.  Making himself blow of steam was getting very unsatisfied. Sure, it got the job done, but he was craving more. He was craving eye contact, kisses, touches and all that good stuff sex brought along. Jerking off to some lame video on youporn wasn’t very satisfying. Not even jerking off, looking at a picture of Even, something he hadn’t told a soul he was doing, did anything to him anymore. He didn’t want to jerk off to some picture, he wanted Even. High and mighty, naked and beautiful. Fluffy hair, soft and luscious lips, ocean blue eyes. He wanted to explore every inch of his body and kiss him places no one had ever kissed him.

Having Even in the same bed as he, feeling his skin against his own, made Isak start to regret the whole _ride until you crash and die_ thingy he had going and wondered if he should confront Even. Laying in bed he pondered on what move to make, but fell asleep before he came up with any solution.

Even saw the message some time after 3AM that night, but he didn’t write him back. When Isak hadn’ heard from him that evening, he called him, but no one picked up. Frustrated Even seemed to be hiding, he threw the phone in the wall. Luckily it didn’t break. When Even hadn’t written him back or called him back the thursday evening, Isak started to get a little worried. What if something had happened to him?

\-------

**Even**

**23.20**

Alive?

\-------

The coffee shop was empty and Isak eyed the clock on the wall. It was now less than an hour until they should close. Isak was alone, Eskild had to leave a bit early again. Maybe he could get a short break before a new customer arrived, Isak thought to himself and turned his back to the counter. He  picked up his phone and wrote a message to Jonas, while changing the channel at the radio, turning up the volume when the new Eminem song started. The door opened, but Isak didn’t hear anything lost in the song.  

“Hey.”

The voice was deep and warm and still, 75 days later, it sent jolts through his spine. Isak turned around seeing Even coming towards him. As usual he was layered up with clothes and as usual he looked fucking fantastic. The burgundy scarf complimented his eyes, his beautiful ocean blue eyes that Isak couldn’t get enough of, no matter if they looked happy or sad.  

“Hey! Where have you been?”

“I’ve been busy helping out my aunt with some stuff. Sorry for being MIA.”

“So good to see you. I’ve been a little worried.” Isak exhaled.

“Worried, why?”

“Well you didn’t respond for two days. Things can happen you know….” Isak pierced his eyes into Even’s, trying to make him feel guilty. “A friend of mine, he has a brother and he once told me about a colleague of him that didn’t show up for work without saying anything and it turned out he’d been in a car accident. Ended up at the hospital with a broken femur. What if you had ended up in a hospital? I would’ve liked to know, so I could’ve visited you with flowers, you know.” Isak blushed by his own words.

“You would’ve brought me flowers? Really?” That’s how long it took to make Even smile, and Isak couldn’t help but smile too. It was impossible not to get affected by Even’s bright smile. It could easily light up half of Oslo at once.

“Well… probably not flowers, but maybe pastry and coffee.”  Isak blushed even more and felt his cheek heat up.

“Awww. I would’ve loved coffee and pastry. Flowers too for that matter.” Even smiled even wider. “I promise I’ll let you know if I end up with a broken femur at the hospital.”

“You swear?”

“Pinky swear!”

“Pinky swear!”

Pinky swear. It had become their thing now and Isak thought it was the cutest thing ever, getting a warm, tingly feeling on the inside every time their pinky’s connected.

“Plans later? Wanna hang?”

“Sorry, I can’t. I’m on my way to my parents. Dinner at home tonight.”

“OK” Isak’s heart sunk. He really wanted to spend time with Even, even though he acted weird and went missing for days. The fact was, Even was like a drug and he couldn’t get enough. As soon as he saw him, he only wanted more. More time, more talking, more laughing, more everything.  “But what about tomorrow? Have you given Eskild’s party a thought?”

“I’m in.” Even smiled again. “I can’t wait to meet Eskild, like for real and not just here.” _Eskild? What? Is he the one you’re thinking about?_

“Cool. I can pick you up around 19.”

“Deal.”

“So are you going to buy anything now that you’re here? Maybe bring a desert home to your parents? This cake is really good.” Isak pointed at chocolate cake that was left.

“Are you serious now or are you just trying sell the last pieces of chocolate so you don’t have to toss it?” Even laughed.

“Well, I am at work and my job is to get you to buy something. But I’m serious too, the cake is really good. Fucking fantastic. Almost better than sex.”

“Just almost?” Even raised his eyebrows.

“Sex is always better.” _‘God, I could’ve taken you from behind right now._ “Don’t you agree?”

“It is.”

An awkward silence occured. They looked at each other, not saying a thing.

“OK! Give me that cake. All of it.”

“Aiming for the next best?”

“Huh?”

“Cake, not sex.”

“Oh.” Even’s face flushed. “Yeah. The other thing is a bit complicated.”  

“It is?”

“Yes.” Evern sighed and looked down at his hands.

“You should just go for it! It usually works out pretty good.”

“It’s not that easy.” Even paused. “What about you? There’s no cake left for you.”

“Neither cake nor sex. Fuck my life.” Isak sighed.

Oh my god, where they speaking in codes now? Isak sighed and let out a scream in frustration right after Even had left. Then he texted Eskild that they were coming. Eskild replied over enthusiastic with more emojis than actual words.

……

Even greeted Isak in a new flannel shirt and he instantly loved the new outfit.

“New? It looks good on you.”

“Yes, and thank you,” Even smiled so wide his eyes almost disappeared, making Isak’s knees nearly fail on him. _Are you trying to kill me?_

“Ready?”

“Yep. Just gonna find my jacket and shoes.”

Half an hour later they stood outside the building where Eskild lived. It was a huge four bedroom apartment which he shared with his best friends Linn and Sara. His boyfriend, Elias, spent most of his time there too. Now Linn and Sara were gone for the weekend and Eskild had invited his squad and some other friends over to a proper home-alone party.

Isak had only met his squad once, a few weeks ago, so he wasn’t too familiar with the crowd that greeted them.

“Hi.” Isak put down the plastic bag with his six-pack.

“Baby bean! Welcome!” Eskild took hold of Isak and gave him a big hug. When he let go of Isak, he saw Even stand beside them looking a bit uncomfortable.

“We haven’t properly been introduced. I’m Eskild, but people usually call me the love-guru.”

“Only you do that,” Isak interrupted, laughing and rolling his eyes.

“Shush, Isak.”

“Even here. Nobody calls me anything.” He smiled and put out his hand for a handshake.

“No hands, only hugs here.” Eskild took a good grip around him and hugged him, making Even flinch. Letting go of the hug, he took a step back and pierced his eyes into Even. “I’m gonna name you Blonde Elvis.”

“Well, thanks I guess.” Even’s face redden.

“OK. OK Eskild. It’s time to stop now.

“Anyways, nice to meet you outside the coffee shop for a change.”

“Sorry for that,” Isak whispered into Even’s eyes as they took of their outerwear. “He’s not like that all the time.” he paused. “No wait, he actually is.”

“It’s fine.” Even smiled.

.

Isak was on his fifth beer now and was starting to get drunk. His body had never tolerated alcohol that well, so he easily got intoxicated. Even on the other hand didn’t seem to be the slightest tipsy, even though they had been drinking the same amount. Sitting on a chair with a beer in his hand, he saw Even stand in the kitchen casually talk to two guys, Rubio and Jon. The music was so loud it was impossible to hear what they were talking about, but it was easy to see he was having fun. Isak had never seen Even like this before, so easily in interaction with others. His tall and lean body leaned against the fridge as he run his hand through his hair and Isak had to bite his lip not to moan.

“What are you gazing at?” Eskild wondered looking at Isak.

“Him,” Isak sighed and nodded in Even’s direction. “Just look at him.”

“Go over and talk to him. I’m sure he wants it.”

“Nah. I’ll let him talk for awhile.” He emptied his beer and whispered into Eskild’s ear. “I’m kinda horny so I better not.”

“What?” Eskild shouted and started to laugh.

“Ssshh. Not so loud,” Isak complained.

Even heard them from the kitchen and looked at them with a curious look. He stared at Isak and while Isak was too drunk to see it, Eskild saw everything.

“He’s staring at you,”he whispered. “With love in his eyes. The love-guru knows that look.”

“Yeah?” Isak turned around and pierced his eyes into Even, making him abruptly look another way.

“See? He just turned his face.”

“Cheeks turning dark red, embarrassed you caught him stare!”

“Pffft.”

It was supposed to be a home-alone party, but quite a few of the guys wanted to go to Lavvo, so they all ended up there. The discotheque was known for a great DJ and quite spacious dancefloor. Rubio, the ritch bitch in the squad, bought a tray with tequila and offered everyone one. Even declined saying he couldn’t handle it, so Isak ended up drinking them both.

“Dance with me, Even,” Isak nearly shouted.

“I can’t dance,” Even excused.

“Oh come one, everyone can dance,” he sighed. “You just move your arms and feet.”

“I can dance with you.” Nils, Rubio’s friend, came up from behind and placed his arm around Isak.

“You will?” Isak squinted his eyes at Nils. “Cool! Let’s dance.”

Isak led the way to the dancefloor and let his body flow to the music, swaying his head from side to side. Nils danced close to Isak, grinding against his body. Isak didn’t seem to mind. Even watched the dance unfold and he kept staring at them, like he was monitoring every movement they made.

“I saw you dance with Nils.” Eskild leaned in and talked into Isak’s ear.

“Even didn’t want to dance and I wanted. Nils offered, so we danced,” Isak explained.

“More important, I saw Even look at you _while_ you danced.”

“Maybe he was trying to learn some move. He said he couldn’t dance.” Isak giggled.

“He didn’t look very happy.”

“Oh? Not happy?”

“Not at all. Didn’t look like he liked what he saw.” Eskild put his arm around Isak. “The love-guru has secretly been doing some research this evening.” He started.

“Research?” Isak cut him off, turned his head and frowned.

“You’ve been too drunk to notice, but I’ve seen how Even looks at you. That is not the look of someone that only wants to be friends.”

“Pfft,” he shrugged. “I’m not so sure about your observations skills Eskild.”

“Baby bean, don’t underestimate me.” He pierced his eyes into Isak’s. “I am the love-guru after all. Go over to him, talk to him. You can thank me later.”

Before leaving the apartment that evening, Isak had stood in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror telling himself something were going to happen tonight. He didn’t think it was him being too drunk, being it. He’d only drinken those two tequilas other than the six-pack at the pre-party. Standing in a booth taking a piss, he suddenly realised he still had been drinking too much and maybe he’d been dancing a little too much with Nils. Nils who Eskild had told him that liked him and had asked if he was single last time time they met. Eskild had told him he was tied up, but he didn’t seem very tied up tonight. _Fuck!_ he muttered and walked into the disco again, searching for Even, seeing him standing by himself looking aimlessly out in the room.

“Are you OK?” Isak asked squinting his eyes, placing a hand on his shoulder.  

“I’m good. How about you? You seem quite drunk.”

“I am. Very drunk. Not very attractive, is it?”

“Not really,” Even laughed. “But you seem to have gotten that guy’s attention at least. He’s all over you.”  Even nodded in the direction of Nils. If it hadn’t been for Isak being so drunk, he probably would’ve heard the slightly difference in Even’s voice. It sounded like something was bothering him and his laugh didn’t seem as heartfelt as it used to.

“Oh him. We were just dancing.”

“He seemed pretty absorbed in you.”

“Well, it isn’t mutual.”

“No?”

“Nils? No. Not my type.” Isak looked at Even and he didn’t seem very convinced. He just put up his hands and shrugged.

“I wanna go home,” Even said all of a sudden.

“Me too. Wanna grab a taxi?”

“Yes, please.”

“Did I hear taxi? Are you gonna go?” Nils came up to them.

“Yes, we’re going home.”

“Where are you going? Can I join? I live at Fredensborg.”

“Sure, we’re going in the same direction,” Even said, not hiding how annoyed he was that Nils was interfering.

“Nice! Thank you.”

“Oh cool,” Isak muttered to himself, disappointed Even had said it was ok for him to join them. Again, if he hadn’t been so drunk, he would have perceived how equally disappointed Even was.

They said their goodbyes and managed to grab a taxi fairly quick. They all got into the backseat, Isak in the middle with Even og Nils on each side. Nils placed a hand on Isak’s thigh and if Even had had superpowers, he would’ve bored holes in Nils’ hand fro the way he kept staring at it.  

“I’m going off here,” Isak said and tapped Even on the knee.

“So am I,” Nils beamed. “We live really close, cool.” His eyes sparkled as he jumped out of the taxi. “And you?” he looked at Even. _Say you’re going off here too._

“I live across the bridge.” _Fuck, Even._

“It was nice meeting you.”

“Same.” Even put up a strained smile.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Even,” Isak leaned on the taxi door. “I know already now that I want kebab tomorrow.”

“Sure, bye!”

The door closed and Isak saw Even disappear into the night, while Nils was standing expectantly right beside him. This was not how it was supposed to be.

 

_Fuck my life. Fuck my love life._


	6. THE TALK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even had "the talk" to clear things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's in the middle of the night, actually Christmas Eve and I wanted to update with my latest chapter. We're closing in on this short story. I hope you like where it's going. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :-)

\-------

**Eskild**

**09.45**

 

Baby bean, how did it go after you two left yesterday?

We shared a taxi with Nils. Ugh!

Oh! Why?

Because he was going home too and Even said it was OK.

So when I was jumped off, Nils did the same. Apparently he lives close to me. I wanted Even to come as well, but he didn’t

Did you ask him?

No, but he said he was going home when Nils asked him if he was going off as well.

It was so awkward when the taxi left. Nils was clearly ready for something. But I was so not that. God, he was so whiny when I turned him down…

This is not good, baby bean.

??

Don’t you see it, what do you think Even will think now?

what?

That the two of you ended up together! Fuck!

Oh! Fuck!

You two need to talk today. Like really talk.

You’re right, we do.

What? the bean agrees with me? Just like that…

Admit it, the love-guru knows a thing or two.

I guess you do.

You? Call me love-guru

I guess the love-guru does

You’ll kiss my feet on work tomorrow.

Don’t push it!

\-------   


“Can you tell mum I won’t be able to come by today? Tied up with something important.” Isak was on the phone with the psych ward, talking to Karin.

“Sure, I’ll let her know.”  
“Thank you. How is she by the way?”

“We’re making some progress, slow and steady.”

“Good. I’ll come by sometime this week, maybe wednesday.”

“OK. I’ll tell her that.”

Isak hung up and fell on his bed with a rush of mixed emotions running through his veins. He felt bad for canceling the visit, but he was a bit hungover and he had agreed to meet Even at Bislett Kebab for some well needed food. Even had sounded so different on the phone, a bit detached, and Isak couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking that Nils and him had ended up in the same apartment, in the same bed, having sex or something? Eskild had a valid point, he had to agree on that.

.

Once again Isak stood in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror, telling him something was going to happen today. This time something was going to happen. This time he was going to be sober and this time he shouldn’t fuck up. This time he and Even should talk, sort things out, let everything out in the open. And by the end of the conversation, things would be good between them. Maybe they would kiss? Like a mutual kiss where both meant it.

The air was chill, the temp had dropped quite a lot the last days and winter was definitely on its way. He had read that they were expecting it to snow soon, maybe tomorrow already. After all it was december, so Isak wasn’t surprised.

Isak’s heart beat fast as he saw Even come towards him, all layered up, he looked warm with the big scarf and the hoodie covering his head and beautiful hair.

“Halla.” Isak looked at Even trying to decipher what kind of mood he was in. He looked directly into his eyes, trying to see if they could reveal some information and they did.

“Hi.”

“God, I’m hungry. Shall we go inside and order?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

They walked inside, Even first and Isak close behind. Suddenly he felt his stomach revolt and his chest got a bit heavy. The thought of talking to Even made him even more nervous than he already was and he decided to take it slow, not ambush Even immediately. While waiting for the kebabs to get ready, they sat down at the only two plastic chairs in the store.

“Sorry for maybe being a bit too drunk yesterday. It was those damn tequilas. I feel like we didn’t talk as much as we should’ve. I kinda left you with those strangers.”

“It’s OK. I’m a big boy, I can talk to strangers.” Even laughed, but Isak instantly knew it was strained, like he forced himself to do it.

“I know. I just-” Isak paused. “Did you have a good time? Eskild wasn’t too much Eskild?”

“It was fine. Eskild too. He was funny.”

“You know he will call you Blonde Elvis from now.” Isak laughed, trying to ease up the tension he felt lingered in the air.

“Pffft.” Even huffed and shook his head.

“But you do look like a Blonde Elvis.”

“Please.”

The kebabs came and Isak suggested they go someplace else to eat it. As much as he loved kebab, he didn’t want to sit in that tiny shop, where all it did was smell like kebab. Even didn’t mind to eat elsewhere, but when Isak suggested they could go to his place, he said he needed fresh air. Instead he suggested they take the tram to Spikersuppa to see the Christmas Market. _Sure, why not?_

A few minutes later the trame came and sat down all the way in the back, Isak took the window seat. Even scoffed down the kebab like he was in a hurry, like he wanted to leave as soon as possible and Isak was confused, since Even was the one suggesting they should visit the Christmas Market.

“Are you hungover?”

“No. I feel fine. Didn’t drink that much.”

“You’re much smarter than me, declining that tequila.”

“Mmm”  

Isak felt something was wrong, Even seemed so detached.

“Why are  you acting so strange?”

“Strange? What do you mean?”

“Well, you seem a bit disconnected, like something is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong,” he assured, but Isak was sober now and could see it in his eyes.

Isak took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second, preparing for what might come. His hands started to shake a bit, so he hid them inside his jacket. He swallowed a few times.

“Did you think I went home with Nils?”

“What?”

“Did you think I ended up in Nils’ bed?

“I dunno. Maybe.” Even didn’t look at Isak as he answered, his eyes was set the guy sitting in front of them.

“Because I didn’t. Come on, Nils?” Isak tried to get eye contact with Even, but he kept staring at the man’s big afro.

“Good.” Even exhaled barely audible, sounding revealed.

“Good? Why is that good?” _Come on! Say something! Anything!_

“Well… uhm..” Even fumbled with the words. “Because you can do so much better. You deserve so much better.”

“Hmm? Do I?”

“Yes.”  

“And how can you say that? How well do you know Nils?”

“Well, I talked to him and he sounded like an ass.”

“And you judge people after talking to them for like 15 minutes?”

“Well-.”

“What if I like ass?” Isak cut him off.

“Do you like assholes?”

“I know one thing, I love _ass._ I love ass very much, very, very much. But I don’t like Nils. OK?”

Isak tried to be funny, but wasn’t sure if the timing was right or if he managed to conway it properly. Even didn’t laugh.

“OK.”  

It took them a few minutes to walk from the tram stop to Spikersuppa and they walked in silence. Isak knew he needed to confront Even, but he didn’t want to do it with lots of people around, so the Christmas Market was really a bad place. It was crowded, lots of people had found the market, to kick off the festive season ahead.

“I wanna go skating!” Even said out in the air.

“Skating?”

“Don’t you?” _Skating? I haven’t done that in like ten years, but why not._

“Sure!”

They walked over to the cabin that rented out skates and got hold of a pair each. The ice rink was fairly crowded. Loud music blasted through the speakers located in the middle of the rink. _OK. Let’s skate some and then we’re gonna talk._

“Catch me if you can!”

Even skated away and Isak had to speed up to catch him. When he caught him up, Even speeded up again, making Isak chase him again. Even laughed every time he speeded up, seeing Isak breath heavily, trying to get hold of him. _Why are you doing this? Are  you just being mean or is this a game? Are we speaking in codes again?_

“If you don’t slow down, I’ll go in the other direction. “Isak proclaimed. “And then you’ll have to catch me! What about that?”

“What?” Even couldn’t hear all of what Isak had said. Suddenly he saw Isak turn around and skate away from him.

“Now you can try catch me!” Isak yelled and skated as fast as he could. It didn’t take long before Even caught up and that’s when Isak grabbed his hand and held it tight.

“Hah! Got you!” Isak looked him deeply in the eyes. Even tried to untie their fingers, but Isak hold him so tight Even had to give up. “Let’s go and do the ferris wheel.” Isak started to skate and Even followed right behind, hands still tied together.

Ten minutes later they sat in the ferries wheel as it started to go up. Even had placed himself on the opposite side of Isak. Isak got up and placed him next to Even, so close their thighs touched. He took hold of his hand and squeezed it gently, looking Even in the eyes. Even let go of his hand and turned his head looking out over Oslo.

They sat like that for a while, before Isak broke the silence.

“Even?”

“Mhm?”

“Look at me, please.”

Even turned his head and Isak couldn’t figure out if he looked afraid or sad. Maybe it was a bit of both?

“I like you,” he started. “A lot.” Isak grabbed Even’s hand and squeezed it. “I really like you and not just as a friend, if you haven’t figured it out yet. But I think you have. And I get the sense that you like me too, but you’re holding back for whatever reason.” Isak stopped and took a deep breath. Even tried to untie his hand from Isak’s, but Isak wouldn’t let him. He wasn’t going to escape this time. “I’m just gonna ask you and I want you to be honest with me, because I can’t deal with this anymore, I’m going crazy.” Isak stopped again, took another deep breath while closing his eyes for a few seconds. “Do you like me? And not like _I like you as a friend_ , but as something more?”

An awkward silence was created and all that could be heard was the buzzing from the city underneath them. He didn’t expect Even to answer so truthfully so quickly. Maybe he had figured out Isak wasn’t going to let it go now? Maybe he wanted to talk about it too, but hadn’t dared until Isak initiated the conversation?

“I like you. A lot and not just as a friend,” Even eventually said.

Isak suddenly gasped, not realising he had been holding his breath the entire time, waiting for his answer.

“But it’s complicated.”

“I’m all ears. Tell me, talk to me, explain.”

Even took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Isak could feel Even’s hand getting sweaty and fear was clearly visible in his eyes. _Am I pushing too hard?_

“It only takes twenty seconds of extreme courage,” Isak blurt out.

“People like me can’t have people like you.”

“People like y-”

“I don’t deserve someone like you.” Even cut him off, resting his eyes on his shoes, not able to look Isak in the eye.

“Bullshit. That’s not true.”

“But it is. I’m only going to fuck it up anyways.”

“Why?”

“Just because…”

“Just because? That’s not a valid reason. And what’s so special with me, since you think you don’t deserve someone like me?” Isak paused and before Even got the time to answer he continued. “What if it’s me that doesn’t deserve someone like you? Have you thought about that?”

“Yes. Every day. You deserve someone better.”

“There isn’t anyone better.” Isak’s heart beat so fast it nearly exploded. _There I said it!_

“Of course there is. Plenty!”

“No, there isn’t.”

“You just haven’t met him yet.”

“I have! I’ve met you!”

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“Why are you?”

Even looked out in the air, searching for something to say.

“After I met you there was no point meeting anyone else. You’re perfect.”

“No, I’m far from perfect.” Even let out a strained laugh. “If you only knew.”

“I know. And I still find you perfect.”

“You know what?”

“What you think I don’t know.”

“You don’t make sense now, Isak.”

“I know.”

Isak took another deep breath and knew it was time to have the conversation he for the longest time had hoped Even would initiate. But he hadn’t and now there was no way back.

“I need to tell you something.” He looked at Even with a serious look. “And I need you to hear me out. Can you promise me that?”

“OK…” Even looked nervous.

“Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear.”

“My mum is mentally ill. She has been ill for a long time, but it got worse about a year ago. This summer she was admitted to a psych ward in Asker and she’s still there. So I’ve been visiting her every other week since she got there.” Even instantly flinched when Isak mentioned the psych ward and he felt a twitch in his arm and he let go of Even’s hand.

“Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. But why is this relevant?”

“Because I saw you long before we first met.”

“You saw me?” Even looked confused.

“Yes.” He paused and took a deep breath. “At the psych ward in Asker.”

“Oh”. Even’s face fell and it looked like he’d seen a ghost. “You saw me.” Even turned his head away, looking the other way. He rubbed his hands

“I dunno, but I feel that-” Isak paused. “it.. well… maybe-” He fumbled with the words.

“What?” Even’s eyes were big and round, filled with fear.

“Maybe it has something to do with why things are complicated and why you like me, but can’t commit or something.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Even asked, avoiding Isak’s thoughts.

“Because it’s not my place to tell. I wanted you to tell me when you were ready. It’s your story and yours to tell. “ He paused. “But I’ve been so afraid of losing you that I couldn’t keep it in any longer. You are fighting this so hard and I don’t want you to fight this because there isn’t anything to fight.”

Suddenly the ferris wheel stopped, it was time to get off, they had only paid for one trip after all and Isak cursed inwardly for the bad timing, wanting more time in private with Even. He knew Even probably would leave at first chance and he didn’t want that to happen.

Even walked out of the wagon and eyed his watch.

“Oh fuck. I forgot, I promised to stop my grandma today and pick up something for mum. It’s getting late and I should go before grandma goes to bed.”

Isak knew he was lying, but didn’t say anything and just let him go. This was probably very overwhelming and he probably needed some time to think.

“At least you know I don’t care about your mental illness. I knew I needed you in my life the first time I saw you. You sat in the corner brightening up that dull and steril living room, being all angelic,  while drawing.”

Before Even managed to leave, Isak grabbed his wrist and pulled him close. He pressed his lips against Even’s and just when Even gasped and parted his lips, Isak slip his tongue inside and let it explore every part of Even’s mouth. Isak wasn’t sure if he enjoyed it or if  he was too startled to do anything, but he didn’t push him away or ask him to stop at least. When Even gasped again, Isak whispered into his ear before letting him go: _Take your time, we got all the time in the world. I’ll wait for you._

“Ay, Even! Don’t forget dinner tomorrow,” Isak shouted as he walked away, reminding him that he wasn’t going to give up on him. On them.

.

Isak wasn’t surprised when Even went MIA again. He hoped for the longest that he would turn up for dinner as he always did, but when the clock hit 20.30 and he still hadn’t turned up, he knew he wasn’t coming. Isak sat in silence eating the fish soup he’d made and put the leftovers in the fridge for the next day.

Feeling very alone, he texted Jonas and asked if he could come over. He knew he was at the end of his finales, there were one big exame left and he was probably very busy studying, but he needed someone to talk to. Jonas, being one of his best friends, said of course yes, letting him know he could need a little break from all the books that he felt was attacking him.

“How’s things going?” Jonas asked as he sank down on the couch. “Have you heard from Even?”

“Nope and it’s driving me nuts. I sat at the kitchen table staring at the empty bowl of soup, thinking of how Even wasn’t here eating our usual monday dinner, but someplace else instead and I felt miserable.”  

“Aww. I’m so sorry.”

“I walk around in circles, can’t do anything. I try not to think about him, but it’s impossible.”

“He might just need some time to digest everything. It probably hasn’t been very easy for him, you know.”

“Maybe you’re right? It’s what Eskild said too.”

Isak twitched by the sound of his own phone and instantly took hold of it, hoping it was Even. It was an unknown number and looking it up, he saw it was Nils.

_Hi :) Nice to see you on saturday. It was lots of fun. Do you wanna grab lunch one day? Nils_

A laugh escaped Isak’s mouth and Jonas wondered what he was laughing at. Isak showed him the message and soon Jonas was laughing too, rolling his eyes. Isak wrote him a short reply. _No._

“Let’s change the subject, how is the finales going? Ready for the last exame thursday?” Isak tried to smile.

“I’m a bit in panic mode, feels like I don’t remember shit. It feels like the books are trying to attack me, every time I glance at them.” Jonas chuckled, followed by a loud sigh.

“And yet you are here?”

“Well, when your best friend needs you-” he looked at Isak and smiled. “-you come. And I think a break was needed anyway. Some fresh air and a change of scenery.”

“I’m really grateful for you coming. Do you want a beer?”

“You got beer?”

“Yeah. I bought it for Even and me, but it doesn’t look like he’s gonna drink it.” Isak stood up.

“Sure, I’ll have one.”

Isak got up and walked into the kitchen and grabbed two beers.

“Have you seen the latest episode of Narcos?”

“No,” Isak said from the kitchen.

“Can we watch it?”

“Sure.”

He came back with two beers and a bag of peanuts he’d found in the kitchen cabinet, handed Jonas one of the bottles.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

……

Tuesday came and the day crawled away like a snail. The snow had yet to appear, but it had gotten colder, so cold that Isak had to use a winter hat instead of his burgundy snapback. Riding the tram, on his way home from work, he received another text message from Nils.

\-------

**992 23 081**

**19.30**

 

You didn’t have to be so short yesterday. It’s normal courtesy to say hi and thank you for last time.

What the fuck? Sorry if I wasn’t polite enough for you. You asked me if I wanted to have lunch some day and, sorry but I don’t, so I just said no.

Why not?

Because I’m tied up elsewhere

Didn’t look like it on saturday

Oh? because we danced?

Don’t you remember how you grinded against me?

If I’m not mistaken that was you grinding against me

But it doesn’t matter, I’m not interested.

Who’s this guy you’re tied up with? Is it that Even guy?

That’s none of your goddamn business

Mr. Know it all. He was an ass.

Heh. He said the same thing about you.

I actually defended you, but what do you know, it was wrong of me. You are an ass!

You don’t have to be so rude.

You making it difficult not to. Sorry.

\-------

Isak took a screenshot of the convo and sent it to Jonas with the caption _how not to act when trying to hit up someone for dummies_. Jonas texted him back, saying thank you for the laugh. Nils’ number got blocked from his phone, he didn’t need any more of him in his life. He shook his head, thinking Even had at least been right about one thing on sunday, Nils was an ass.

It was hard to get anything done that evening. He tried to finish the book he was reading, but all the words got mixed up in some massive cloud and every chapters had to be re-read, so he gave up. Watching something on Netflix didn’t work either, it was impossible to concentrate on anything for more than ten seconds, his thoughts always went back to Even. What was he doing this very moment? Was he laying in bed thinking, worrying?

Isak checked his phone every five minutes to see if Even had been online, but he hadn’t. He had started a message to Even several times, but he couldn’t come up with anything to say, he felt he had said everything that needed to be said. Everything was now up to Even and Isak was scared as hell. Scared he would turn him down, say no to him, leave and never come back. Vanish out of his life just as quickly as he came. 

At midnight he went for a walk, getting some fresh air and trying to clear his head. It didn’t help, so he went back inside, hoping to get some much needed sleep. Time still crawled away and every minute felt like an hour. Was this how it felt waiting for a death sentence?

The sound of his own phone made Isak flinch. He had put the sound on loud in case Even would contact him while he was sleeping. But he wasn’t sleeping, how could he, he was wide awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to make time pass. Abruptly he grabbed the blinking phone, seeing Even had written him.

\-------

**Even <3**

**01.48**

Dear Isak, dear sunshine

You asked what is so special about you? It’s hard to know where to begin, because there is thousands things I could say. I have never met anyone sweeter than you, anyone as genuine or generous. You make me dinner every monday and you go see romantic movies with me, even though I know it’s far from your fav genre. You are considerate and it seems like you always do the right thing. You’re like the sun, brightening up the darkest days. I know too much of me will ruin what we have, because it always have and it always will at some point. If not now, it will happen later, maybe in january or march. My mind tells me to back out and stay friends before I fuck it up and take you with me into my shit. I don’t want to hurt you, the most precious thing on earth.

Can we be friends?

\-------

Isak re-read the message a couple of times, just to make sure he perceived everything Even had written.

 _Friends?_ _No fucking way. I’m not letting us just be friends when we can be so much more._

 

\-------

**Even <3**

**01.53**

I’m gonna run over to your place now and you better open up when I ring the doorbell. Because I have a thing or two to tell you.

\-------  


The first snow came that night and Isak ran the streets in a heavy snowstorm, no jacket, but still warm by adrenaline. Ten minutes later, Even buzzed him in and when Isak opened the door, Even stood in the hall in just his boxers.

“Don’t you dare give up on love,” Isak said, gasping for air. _Hot damn, you look beautiful._

“I-”

Before Even got the chance to say anything, Isak poured his heart out to Even.

“I refuse to let you give up like that. You have no idea what’s gonna happen tomorrow or in january or next year. We might get run over by a car tomorrow and then it’s useless to have this conversation now. This time it’s you that talk a lot of nonsense and I suggest you just shut up. If you like me just as much as I like you, we are going to make it work, one way or another. We’ll take it slow. And we only have to worry about the next day, hour or even minute if that is necessary.”

“I’m bipolar.” The words escaped Even’s mouth barely audible while looking at Isak with sadness in his eyes.

“I love you.”

“I’m crazy, don’t you understand?”

“Normal is way overrated and I still love you.”

Isak walked over to Even and wrapped himself around him, giving him the warmest and longest hug he’d ever given anyone before.

“We’ll make it work,” he whispered.

“I don’t think I ca-” he said quietly, a tear escaped his eye.

“We’ll make it work,” Isak repeated. “Let’s play a game. It’s called Even and Isak minute by minute. The rules are simple. The only thing we have to worry about is what we’re going to do the next minute. OK?”

“OK.”

“Good.”

“So what are we going to do the next minute?”

“We’re going to lay close to each other in bed until we fall asleep.”

Isak stepped out of his shoes and took hold of Even’s hand, leading him into the bedroom. Even fell onto the bed and looked at Isak as he undressed. With only a boxer left Isak looked Even in the eyes and a faint smile revealed. He crawled under the duvet, inviting Even to come closer. Even lay down and scooted himself closer to Isak.

“I swear we’ll make it work!” Isak whispered, wrapping his arm around Even, letting him bury his face in the arch of his neck.

“Pinky swear?” Even said into his neck, shooting him a gentle kiss.

“Pinky swear!”

It took exactly thirty four seconds for Even to fall asleep in Isak’s embrace and less than a minute laster Isak followed.


	7. I'M EVEN, ISAK'S BOYFRIEND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the finale chapter. It's a very short one, but I felt I had said everything I wanted to say. I really hope you like the ending. Thanks for all of you that have read and left comments/kudos. If you stick around, there will come a Christmas fluff soon (hopefully).

When Isak woke up, Even was sitting in the window sill, looking at him. Looking didn’t really cover it, he was admiring him, gazing at him as he lay in bed, spread out like a sea star.

“Morning.”

“Morning.”

“Up already?”

“Yeah.” He paused. “Sorry for being so weird and dramatic.” Even sighed and Isak instantly knew he was feeling guilty.

“Come here.” Isak opened up the duvet, inviting him, but Even didn’t come, he just kept looking at him. “It wasn’t a question, Even. Come!”

Back in bed, Isak pulled him close and wrapped himself around him, kissing his forehead.

“You know what?”

“No.”

“Everything that has happened up to now, has led to this very moment. And I think what we have right now is very nice, don’t you think?”

“It is.” Even had to admit.

“So don’t be sorry or worry too much, OK?”

“OK” Even smiled and looked up at Isak, searching for his lips. “Why does it seem you always know what to say?”

Even stretched his neck, parted his lips and didn’t let Isak answer. Gently he took hold of Isak’s lower lip and sucked on them. Isak didn’t need more to get onboard and soon they were kissing like two teenagers in love. It was sloppy and wet, urgent and feisty and it seemed like they had to make up for all the moments in the past two months, when they could’ve kissed, but nothing happened.

An hour later, they were still kissing and had only been interrupted by a tiny break where Isak had excused himself and told he had to pee. He did need to relieve some tension, but the main reason for getting up was to call in sick. When he got to speak to his boss, he said he’d caught the stomach flu and was bedridden.

“Shouldn’t we get up now? You shouldn’t be late for work,” Even suddenly said.

“I’m not working today.”

“But you always work on thursdays.”

“No I don’t.” Isak didn’t want to tell him he’d called in sick, afraid that Even might feel guilty for Isak not working.

“Yes, you do.”

“You’ve been keeping track of my work schedule?”

“Yes,” Even said shyly. “Ever since the first time I saw you.”

“Oh.” Isak blushed and kissed Even on lips. “Anyways, I’m not working today. I’m all yours I don’t know what you want to do, but I sure know what I want.”

“What?”

“Lay in bed and snuggle all day. Taste some more of those luscious lips of yours and run my hands through your perfect hair.”

“Perfect hair?” Even chuckled.

“Yes! You have perfect hair,” Isak stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I wish my hair was more like yours.”

“I don’t,” Even smiled. “I really like your curls. Especially when they peak out from under the burgundy snapback.” He ruffled Isak’s hair and planted a wet kiss on top of his head.

Even never got around to tell Isak what he wanted to do that day. He didn’t have to. After complimented each others hair, they just kept on, alternating on telling each other compliments and making out and they didn’t stop until noon, until their lips were chapped, only interrupted by a message from Eskild.

 

\-------

**Eskild**

**10:53**

Hey, big boss said you were sick.

I hope you’ll get better soon.

Eh… I’m not really sick. I just faked it…

What? Why? What’s going on?

OMG! OMG! ISAK!!!!!! Give me all the details! <3

Later. I’m too busy kissing now.

Are you faking sick just to be with Even?

Yeah…

OMG! How romantic! <3<3<3

Hah! The love-guru knew it! Say it! Say I was right!

You were right…

Of course I was.

You are going to give me every single detail tomorrow.

\-------

“Are we going to keep up the movie dates?” Even wondered.

“Of course we are!” Isak smiled. “And the dinner monday.”

“What about dinner tuesday?”

“We’ll have dinner tuesdays too. We can have dinner together the whole fucking week if that’s what you want.” Isak leaned in and gave Even a happy, wet and sloppy kiss on the mouth.”I want that!”

 

“I’ve invited Jonas and Magnus for dinner tonight. They have their final exams today and thought it would be nice to treat them a proper dinner and some beer to celebrate.”

“That’s very kind of you, you’re a good friend. When?”

“Around 19. I would very much like you to be there.”

“Me?”

“Yes, don’t look so surprised!”

“But isn’t that your thing? You and your friends?”

“Nooo.” Isak cupped Even’s face. “I want you to meet them, but most of all I want them to meet you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Doh” Of course. There is nothing more I want. I have struck it lucky and I want to show off.”

“Please.” Even said embarrassed.

“But it’s true. You might not be aware of it, but you are by far the best thing that have ever happened to me.”

Even didn’t quite know how to handle the compliment, he had gotten too many this morning, so he just gave Isak a passionate kiss in return. It wasn’t sloppy and urgent this time. Even took his time and sucked on Isak’s lips at a slow pace for a long time, before he slip his tongue inside and slowly, oh so slowly, let it explore every part of his mouth, making Isak moan.

“What the fuck, Even!”

“What?”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“Huh?”

“That kiss!”

“Oh.”

“I want more  of that later tonight.”

Even laughed, with a look that shifted between being very content, close to smug and embarrassed.

.

“I forgot to buy avocado,” Isak said, looking into the fridge. “Can’t make tacos without guacamole, right?”

“Right!”

“I’m just gonna pop down to the grocery store. You can stay here if you want.”

“Nah, I wanna join you.”

“OK.”

As the door to the building Isak lived closed, Even searched for Isak’s hand, making their fingers entwine. Isak’s heart nearly skipped a beat by the little act of love and he couldn’t help but smile widely and squeeze Even’s hand, letting him know how much he loved it. A couple passed them on the street and Isak was grinning so badly, the old lady stared at him

“What was that?” Even wondered.

“I think I was grinning too much.” Isak laughed.

“You were?” Even asked as he turned his head, seeing Isak smile from ear to ear, eyes sparkling like stars in a dark, cold and cloud free night.

“Why are you smiling so wide?”

“Because I got my hands in yours and I’m so freaking happy. That’s why.”

“Oh.” Even placed a big wet kiss on Isak’s cheek. “So am I.”

Coming home from short trip to the grocerystore, they found out they had at least two hours before they needed to start prepare the tacos and ended up in bed again. Even lay in Isak’s armrest, with a hand under his t-shirt making swirls on his soft skin. As minutes past, Isak felt Even getting tenser and he wanted to find out why.

“Are you nervous meeting Jonas and Magnus?” Isak wondered.

“Yes,” Even replied looking into the ceiling.

“You don’t have to be. They are going to love you, I’m hundred percent sure of that.”

“Are you sure?” Even paused. “I tend to come off as a bit weird to people.”

“Welcome to the club,” Isak chuckled. “Mags might be my weirdest friend. He was born without a properly functional filter, more than often he speaks before he thinks. Which often is very comic, but sometimes not at all. But he’s a genuine guy and someone I trust with my life. Jonas too.”

Isak looked Even in the eye, seeing they were calmer and his body seemed loosening up again.

“You know, they have been rooting on us for a long time now.”

“They have?” Even sounded surprised.

“Of course. Everyone has. Eskild the most. He was on board, cheering, the very first time I talked about you.” Isak giggled. “He’s a hopeless romantic. Look at what he wrote me earlier today. I sent him the picture you took of us.”

“You did?”

“Yes. Uhmm… maybe I shouldn’t have?”

“No, it’s fine.”

Isak showed Even the conversation they’ve had, not realising he was revealing he’d called in sick.

“You called in sick today?” Even nearly shouted.

“Eh… yes…” Isak blushed.

“I knew you were working today. Hah” Even let out a short laugh, before he got serious. “I don’t want you to skip work because of me, Isak.” He pierced his eyes in Isak’s, making sure he understood how serious he was.

“I didn’t. This was a very selfish act. I did it for me, because I knew I couldn’t leave you today. I would have gone crazy being at work, thinking of you all the time.”

“I could’ve visited you.”

“Not sure that would’ve helped. Me working while you sit there and draw. Might have caught a boner.” Isak laughed out loud, looking at Even’s shocked face.

“You get a boner from me drawing?”

“I might!” Even was laughing too now.

“Did you ever get a boner while I sat at the coffee shop?”

“I can’t reveal such classified information,” Isak teased.

“Oh my god,” Even’s face turned dark red.

“You will never know what happened with my dick behind that counter.”

“Jesus Christ, can you stop talking,” Even laughed, covering his face with his hands.

“Nah,” he said triumphant. “I’ll go on and on.”  

Mission accomplished. Even was no longer thinking about the fact that Isak had called in sick.

.

“What’s this?” Even took out a casserole from the fridge to get to the hot taco sauce.

“Leftovers from monday. I made too much food. I should toss it, it’s getting old.”

“Oh!” Even’s face suddenly fell and he stared at the soup for a long time, so long Isak started to wonder why.

“Have the shrimps come alive?” Isak laughed.

“No.” Even said quietly, not thinking Isak’s comment was funny at all.

“Then why are you staring at it so intensely?”

“Sorry for not coming to dinner on monday,” Even replied quietly and Isak quickly connected the dots.

“Ohhh! Don’t think about it. Dinner today is just as nice, if not nicer.” Isak walked up to Even and kissed him on the cheek. Then he took the casserole out of Even’s hand and tossed the soup in trash. “There! Now it’s gone and nothing more to think about. OK?” Even didn’t look convinced, so Isak pulled Even close and cupped his face, placing a kiss on Even’s soft lips. “OK”?  

“OK.”

.

“Can you get that, it’s probably them. I need to pee so badly.” Isak shouted from the toilet.

“OK,” Even said nervously, cursing inwardly for the bad timing.

Even opened the door and two guys greeted him.

“Come on in,”

“Hi. You are not Isak,” Magnus said stepping inside.

“Ehh.. no,” Even answered a bit confused, wondering if Mags were trying to be funny or if he genuinely didn’t know who he was.

“And you are?” Magnus continued.

“I’m Even, Isak’s boyfriend.”

“Ohhh! Even!” Magnus turned into one big grin. “Finally!” He took a big grip around Even and hugged him, making Even taken aback.

“Finally, yeah…”he replied quietly.

“We’ve heard so much about you,” Jonas said. “I’m Jonas by the way.”

“Maybe too much,” Magnus chimed in. They were all laughing now.

“You won’t hear less about him now we’re together,” Isak said from the bathroom, having heard everything they had said.

“I’m Magnus by the way.”

Isak came out from the bathroom with a big grin on his face.

“I see that you’re already introduced to each other. That’s a good start.” Isak smiled. Suddenly Magnus looked at Isak, then Even and back to Isak again.

“Jonas, do you see those chapped lips?” He laughed.

“Yes.”

“There’s no secret what the lovebirds have been doing today.”

Isak wasn’t embarrassed by the remark, but he couldn’t help but blush. So did Even, resting his eyes on his green socks, not being able to fire back with something witty.

“Go into the living room and I’ll be there shortly, just need to find some beer and bring all the food.” Isak said shaking his head. “And Mags, try not to behave like a 8 year old.”

Jonas and Magnus walked into the living room, while Isak took hold of Even’s hand making him stop.

“There you have Mags,” Isak sighed, rolling his eyes.

“It’s fine. I think I like Magnus already.”

“But-” Isak paused. “Boyfriend, huh?” Isak looked Even deeply in the eyes.

“Too soon?”

“Too soon?” Isak raised his eyebrows. “Not a day too soon, baby.”

“Baby?”

“Too much?” It was Even’s time to raise his eyebrows.

“Not at all. Not. At. All.”

Tacos and beer was devoured and the conversation was going easy. Isak was right, Magnus and Jonas loved Even and Magnus sent Isak an approval nod and two thumbs up when Even wasn’t paying attention.

“How’s your job application going?” Jonas asked. “Isak told me you were applying for a job at a artgallery.”

“Oh. Yeah. I haven’t heard from them yet. They said they would invite people to interviews next week.”

“Good. I hope you’ll get it. It was an art gallery, right? Isak said you were really good at drawing.”

“Oh… I don’t know about that,” Even said modest.

“You are fantastic, Even,” Isak let them all know. “Don’t be modest.”

“But yes, it is an art gallery.” Even smiled.

“Sounds great. You should go after your dreams. If that is art, it is art. Not everyone needs to work with money or be a teacher. Art is important.” Jonas continued and Magnus agreed.  

“Or you can do like me. Study computer science for two years and end up at Kaffebrenneriet.” Isak rolled his eyes.

“There’s no shame in working at a coffee shop,” Even stated. “The world would crash if people didn’t get their coffee.” They all laughed and agreed.

Three hours later, Magnus and Jonas excused themselves, saying they were going out, meeting some friends from class.

“Do you want to join us?” Jonas asked.

“Or are you going to stay at home and continue what you obviously were doing a great deal of earlier today?” Magnus teased, making Even blush.

“I think we’ll just stay here.” Isak said. “Don’t you agree?” He looked at Even, putting his arm around his waist.”

“Let’s stay here. We can join you another time.”

“Sure!” Magnus’ phone rang. “Sorry I just have to take that one, it’s my mum.” Magnus talked to her mum for a short while, before hanging up.

“How is your mum doing by the way?” Jonas asked looking at Magnus.

“Oh, she’s fine, been having some good periods now.”

“Good” Jonas nodded.

“Is she sick?” Even asked.

“Yes. Mentally ill. Bipolar. It’s going up and down, but she’s been having a long, good period now.”

“So am I,” Even blurt out without realising it and now were everyone looking at him, making him uncomfortable. “Eh- I-” he started, but Magnus cut him off.

“Cool,” he replied. Everyone looked at him now, then back at Even. “Umn. Maybe not cool, but… more like it’s cool, nothing to worry about if you get what I mean? We all have our struggles and being mentally ill is more common that we might think.” Magnus sounded so casual, like this thing was the least thing in the world to worry about.

“Hey, my mum is mentally ill too.” Isak chimed in.

Suddenly Even walked up to Magnus, wrapped himself around him and gave him a big hug, leaving everyone a bit perplexed.

“Thank you!”

They guys said their goodbyes and closed the door, leaving Even and Isak alone in the tiny hall.

“So… how do you think it went?”

“I think I love your friends,” Even exclaimed enthusiastically. “They are fantastic!”

“Not more than me I hope?” Isak teased.

“Not more than you, baby!”

“Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear!”  


End file.
